Chasing the Storm
by jacyevans
Summary: AU What if Bella answered the phone when Edward called? What if Alice saw a vision of Bella happy but it wasn't with Edward? How do you choose between the person who caught you when you fell and the person who jumped with you? Extended summary inside.
1. Prologue  Decisons

**Summary: AU - What if Alice had seen Bella jump... but Bella answered the phone when Edward called? What if Alice saw a vision of Bella happy... but it wasn't with Edward? What if Edward returned to Forks, with every intention to check on Bella and leave... but when he sees her with someone else, his motives change?  
**

**How do you choose between the person who was there to catch you when you fell… and the person who was there to make the jump with you in the first place?**

**First, I have to give a huge thank you to Katie, because without her encouragement, this would never have made its way out of Word. Quote at the beginning of the prologue belongs to the genius behind all things "Veronica Mars," Rob Thomas.**

Chasing the Storm

Prologue - Decisions

_Tragedy blows through your life like a tornado, uprooting everything, creating chaos. You wait for the dust to settle, and then you choose. You can live in the wreckage and pretend it's still the mansion you remember. Or you can crawl from the rubble and slowly rebuild. Because after disaster strikes, the important thing is that you move on. _

_But if you're like me, you just keep chasing the storm._

Decisions. One word. One tiny word, but yet it's full of so many things, holds so many secrets, so many dangerous "what ifs."

It's impossible to know what would have happened if I hadn't made the choices I'd made. What if I had gone running and screaming when Edward told me what he was that day eight months ago? What if I'd run after him the day he left me, begging him not to leave?

Or – and this is the "what if" that has crossed my mind the most often as of late – what if I'd never come to Forks at all?

So many questions, but none of them have answers.

Edward once told me that what Alice sees isn't set in stone – that the future can change if the person she sees changes the decisions they make. Their future – the possibility of tragedy – hinges on that decision.

Clearly, I've been thinking too hard about this, but can you blame me? The decision I'm about to make could either make me or break me, and considering my magnetism for danger, the stakes are high on break me.

But I don't have a choice. In fact, the way I see it, that's the problem – I have to make a choice.

_Oh._ Things were so much easier when I just had to choose between becoming a vampire or staying a human. This…this just hurts.

How do you choose between the person who was there to catch you when you fell… and the person who was there to make the jump with you in the first place?


	2. Chapter 1  Broken Promises

**This is the only chapter in which I will be using a big chunk of text lifted directly from "New Moon," but it was necessary as a lead-in. I do not claim it as mine - it belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter 1 – Broken Promises

_We stared at each other for a long moment. His hand smoldered against my skin. In my face, I knew there was nothing but wistful sadness—I didn't want to have to say goodbye now, no matter for how short a time. At first his face reflected mine, but then, as neither of us looked away, his expression changed. He released me, lifting his other hand to brush his fingertips along my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw. I could feel his fingers tremble—not with anger this time._

_He pressed his palm against my cheek, so that my face was trapped between his burning hands._

_"Bella," he whispered._

_I was frozen._

_No! I hadn't made this decision yet. I didn't know if I could do this, and now I was out of time to think. But I would have been a fool if I thought rejecting him now would have no consequences._

_I stared back at him. He was not __my __Jacob, but he could be. His face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love him. He was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me. Alice was back for the moment, but that changed nothing._

_True love was forever lost. The prince was never coming back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep. I was not a princess, after all. So what was the fairy-tale protocol for __other __kisses? The mundane kind that didn't break any spells?_

_Maybe it would be easy—like holding his hand or having his arms around me. Maybe it would feel nice. Maybe it wouldn't feel like a betrayal. Besides, who was I betraying, anyway? Just myself._

_Keeping his eyes on mine, Jacob began to bend his face toward me. And I was still absolutely undecided. _

_The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, but it did not break his focus. He took his hand from under my chin and reached over me to grab the receiver, but still held my face securely with the hand against my cheek. His dark eyes did not free mine. I was too muddled to react, even to take advantage of the distraction. "Swan residence," Jacob said, his husky voice low and intense._

I took the time that Jacob spent waiting for a response from whoever was on the other line to get myself together, but as it turned out, I didn't need the time at all. Jacob's hand dropped from my face, and his brows knitted together. "Hello?" He said, staring at the receiver. He shrugged. "There's no one there."

I held out my hand for the phone. As he handed it to me, he stiffened suddenly, his eyes glaring behind me, eyes narrowed into slits. Alice had walked into the room, or at least was to close for his comfort. I would have bet all of the Cullen's money on it.

"Hello?" I said into the phone. Nothing but silence on the other end. I was already frustrated and not in the mood for tricks, so I had no problem being rude with the stranger playing games.

"Listen, whoever you are, I'm hanging up now."

It might have been my imagination. It might have been the stress of the day catching up with me. It could have been any combination of things. But I could have sworn that as I hung up, whoever was on the other line very quietly breathed my name. They sounded relieved.

I stared at the receiver in my hand for a moment before setting the phone back down on it's cradle.

"Who was that?" Jacob asked, a bit more irritated than he had a right to be, in my opinion. His eyes never stopped looking over my shoulder at Alice.

I shrugged. "Wrong number, I guess." Something in my gut told me that it hadn't been a prank call or wrong number, but I didn't tell Jacob or Alice what I thought I'd heard. They probably would have thought I was crazy.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Figures." Then, he glanced back at Alice and his posture, which had relaxed only slightly in the past few seconds tensed up again. His hands balled into fists and he looked ready to spring as he asked, "Why are you looking at her like that?"

I looked back at Alice. She was looking at me with something between disappointment, shock, and just the smallest bit of hope in her eyes. Having seen Alice in the midst of a vision before, I knew exactly what was going on, but I could make nothing of her expressions, or why they were directed solely at me.

I held my breath as Alice suddenly closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Alice," I said quietly, my voice now sounding just the slightest bit worried, "What did you see?"

When Alice opened her eyes, the look she gave was only for me. It was like Jacob wasn't even in the room, no matter how angry he was with the situation. She startled me when she stepped toward me and said, "Oh, Bella." Her voice held some emotion I couldn't identify, and I was sure she'd done that on purpose.

"What is it?" Now I was frightened. "Is it Charlie? Oh God, is it Edward?" My voice was panicked and I hurried through the next sentence. "Does he think I'm dead?"

"No, no, Bella." Alice grabbed my arms in a vice grip. I could actually feel Jacob tense even harder next to me. He was shaking with the force of his anger.

"Bella – " he said, teeth clenched tight. I ignored him, my focus solely on Alice and her deep gold and black eyes, wondering what she had seen.

Then, she shocked me for the second time in as many days. Letting go of my arms for just a moment, she hugged me. I was so surprised, it took me a few moments to put my own arms around her. I didn't understand her sudden emotional state – until she started whispering in my ear.

"Listen to me, Bella," she said quietly, so quietly I was sure Jacob couldn't hear, especially since

I barely could, and her lips were almost pressed against my ear. "I – I have to leave." I automatically stiffened in her arms. "I can't tell you why," she continued, "I can't even tell you what I've seen, because even I'm not completely sure."

"But – " That didn't make any sense at all to me. How could Alice not completely know what she'd seen?

"Shh," she shushed me, and I shut my mouth at once. "Don't interrupt."

The sound of the front door slamming made me jump practically out of my skin.

"Hmph," Alice grumbled turning towards the door. She spoke louder now that we were without an audience. "This is why you shouldn't be around young werewolves – no control." I was sure, in that instant, that Jacob had left because he'd had to transform. I was also sure that he was still nearby.

Alice turned her attention back to me. "Listen to me, Bella, and pay close attention to what I'm telling you." Her eyes were so intense, I didn't feel like I had a choice. I took in every word she said as if they were the whole truth, and nothing but.

Don't make any promises that you aren't sure you can keep. And," she pulled away slightly so she could look into my eyes. She gazed at me for a moment. "Oh – oh, it's still not clear, but I think it makes sense to me now." Her voice was sad as she whispered, "Your decisions will make you or break you."

_You saw me fall. _

_No, I saw you jump. _

Our conversation from the previous day echoed in my mind, and I wasn't sure why. I was so stunned by her words now that I could do nothing, say nothing as she kissed me on the cheek. I didn't even realize that had been her farewell until I'd shaken myself out of my stupor enough to realize that the room was empty of everyone but me.

"Alice," I said, my voice taking on a panicked lilt. I ran to the front of the house, my hope dimming. I was sure I wouldn't find her car in the driveway, but I had to be sure.

"Alice!" I yelled as I threw open the door.

There was no response but the wind.

"Alice," I whispered. I could feel the hole inside of me begin to fray at the edges and I gasped, grasping at my stomach with both hands. I stood leaning against the doorway taking deep, calming breaths. I let the cool air wash over me and fought back the urge to cry with every fiber of my being. I refused to let a single stray tear escape.

_You knew this would happen,_ I thought to myself. _You knew at some point, she was going to have to leave._

I continued to focus on my breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Eventually, I was able to bring myself, albeit shakily, inside. My legs could barely support me and I collapsed on the couch.

The sight of the sheets and the pillows still set up did little for my self control, but I was so worn out that I could barely keep my eyes open anymore.

I curled up in a ball and hoped for only one thing as I fell asleep – that there would be no dreams.


	3. Chapter 2  Breaking Down

**Thank you again to Katie, without whose encouragement this fic would probably not have continued to be written. **

Chapter 2 – Breaking Down

I didn't get my wish.

The dreams came in a wave of black. Edward was walking into the dark, and no matter how loudly I called out, no matter how far I followed, he didn't turn. He didn't even acknowledge my presence.

He didn't know I was there.

Not when I was suddenly surrounded by werewolves, their jaws snapping at me furiously.

Not when Victoria ran right past him, her red hair a flame, and in the blink of an eye, had her teeth sinking into my throat, drinking deep of my blood.

And then, he was simply gone.

I barely held the scream back in my throat as I awoke. I wasn't sure if Charlie had come home yet from the funeral and if he had, there was no reason to worry him further with my continuing nightmares. I refused to see a shrink.

Charlie must have been home. Some time while I was sleeping, someone had laid a blanket over me. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "What time is it?"

"10:30." Charlie's voice echoed from the kitchen and I jumped, startled. "Sorry," he said sheepishly.

"No, its fine," I said, standing with a stretch. "I just didn't realize that I'd asked the question out loud."

There was an awkward pause in the conversation. I was about to ask him how the funeral had gone, but he beat me to the punch. "I see Alice left," he said in the general direction of the now empty couch. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he almost sounded a little disappointed.

I looked down and studied the pattern of the tiles on the floor as I answered. "Yeah." I fought to come up with an excuse, and quickly. "Carlisle," I winced inwardly at my slip of the tongue, "That is, Dr. Cullen called. He said there was a family emergency and she had to come home." It wasn't a complete lie, or at least I didn't think it was. Alice had to have seen something in her vision to make her need to leave so suddenly, and while some of what she saw had to do with me, some of it must have had to do with someone in her family. I fought hard to keep a certain family member in particular out of my head or I might lose it right there on the kitchen floor.

Charlie didn't need that right now.

"I see," he said. I could tell he was trying to study my expression and make sure I wasn't about to have another breakdown. I must have succeeded in keeping a straight face because he simply sighed. "That's a shame. I was really enjoying her company."

"Me too, Dad," I said quietly. "Me too."

---

I awoke the next morning to light streaming in through the window. I sat up, shocked. Sunlight? It couldn't be. As I gazed outside, there it was – blue skies, puffy white clouds, and no fog in sight.

_Looks like Alice left just in time. _

Thinking of Alice made me frown. After saying goodnight to Charlie, I'd come upstairs and almost instantly fell back to sleep. I'd barely had a chance to change before exhaustion set in. Sleep was fitful, however, full of dreams. Dreams of darkness. Dreams of emptiness.

Dreams of blood.

I shuddered, trying unsuccessfully to block out the images that were coming unbidden to my mind. Edward walking away as I stood alone in the dark and couldn't find my way. Edward walking away while the werewolves tore me apart. Edward letting Victoria get to me, like he didn't even know I was there.

Unconsciously, I ran my fingers over the scar along my hand. It was cool to the touch as it always was, a few degrees cooler than the rest of my body.

I fought hard against the memories that one scar was a reminder of, against James' gleeful face as he was about to kill me, against the burning pain of the unwanted change.

_There was a time you wanted it, _my mind reminded me darkly. _There was a time you would have given up everything to be with him forever._

"Shut up," I muttered back. I stepped away from the window with a shake of my head and started getting ready for school.

_Well, if hallucinations didn't make me crazy before, then talking to myself must make it official, _I thought to myself wryly.

The day passed by in a hazy blur, the type that only the monotony of school can bring. We had a pop quiz in English on "Pride and Prejudice," and I flew through it without a problem. I noticed Jessica throw a glare at me as I finished with forty minutes to spare. She was still furiously trying to fight her way through the first question.

Since I didn't have work and I was pretty sure Jacob was still absolutely furious with me, I headed straight home. What I hadn't expected to see as I pulled up was Volkswagen Rabbit in the driveway.

Jacob was sitting on the grass taking in the sun. I cut the engine and jumped out of my truck, warily approaching him. I wasn't sure what mood he was in after yesterday, and I didn't want to provoke him unnecessarily. I remembered Alice's warning about young werewolves, but Jacob was also my friend. My best friend and the only person who really understood what I was going through.

So, I let him take the lead.

After a brief moment of silence, Jacob sniffed the air, and his nose wrinkled. "You still reek of leech," he said.

My eyes narrowed. "If you've just come here to goad me on, congratulations, you've succeeded." I folded my arms and stomped towards the door, away from him.

Jacob stood up and scrambled after me. "That's not why I came here." I didn't reply as I opened the door and he sighed, frustrated. "I'm sorry, okay?"

Looking into his eyes, always so open and honest, I could tell that he wasn't sorry at all, but I rolled my eyes and pushed the door open anyway. "Come in," I said, fighting the urge to clench my jaw as I said the words.

Jacob headed for our usual place in the living room, and I followed him, dropping my bag beside his. We sat down awkwardly next to each other on the couch, neither of us saying anything. The silence was fast becoming too much for me to bear.

"Look," he said suddenly, and I jumped. I hadn't expected his voice to sound that loud in the relative silence of the room. He put his hand over mine, and I let him. It felt nice. His hand was warm, so much warmer than mine. I briefly wondered if that was what Edward felt when he used to hold my hands in his.

I squashed that line of thinking quickly, before it had the chance to go any further, and focused all of my energy on paying very close attention to whatever Jacob was about to say to me.

"I know I promised you I would never hurt you," he began, "And the longer I know you, the harder I realize that's going to be. Because, Bella," he sighed, frustrated, running a hand through his hair. "When you're with… _them,_" he ground the word out between his teeth, and I could tell it had been an effort not to say something along the lines of "bloodsuckers." I greatly appreciated the effort. "When you're with them, there's not much I can do to save you."

"You don't need to save me from them, Jake." I was once again being very careful not to say their names aloud. "They would never hurt me."

"And what about what Edward did to you?" He barked out suddenly, and I flinched at the sound of his name said so harshly. "You were so sure he would never hurt you, and look what happened. You trusted him, Bella, and he left you."

"Don't you think I know that?" I yelled at him, pulling away from him and standing up. In all our months as friends, Jacob had respected my needs. He'd known not to bring up Edward, the circumstances behind his leaving me. And now, here he was, ripping open the wound. I didn't understand why.

I turned my back to him. "Why are you doing this to me, Jacob?" I asked him brokenly, wrapping my arms around myself. I could feel the void creeping in on me, and when the darkness finally hit, I would want to be alone.

"Because I'm trying to make you see, Bella," he said, coming to stand behind me. "You say they'd never hurt you, but they already have. Maybe not physically – at least not on purpose." My fingers unconsciously began to play at the scar along my hand for the second time today. "But they have hurt you. And if you just let the Cullens back into your life every time they come back to Forks, you're never going to get over him! You'll only get hurt again."

"Get. Out." I was barely able to say the words through the sob that was crawling its way up my throat, forcing its way out. I was going to break down; I could feel it coming. Jacob had crossed the line, and for the first time in months, instead of wanting him to be there for me so I didn't break down, I wanted him gone so I could.

Jacob seemed to sense that he'd gone too far. He took another step towards me, but I didn't turn around. I was already starting to cry, and I didn't want him to see. "Bella, I – "

"Just leave, Jacob!" My voice cracked, and I whispered, "Please."

He paused just another moment before grabbing his bag and slowly making his way to the door. I waited until I was sure he wasn't coming back in before letting my shaky legs give way.

Edward leaving, telling me he didn't love me. Alice showing up unexpectedly, departing with her strange advice. Jacob almost kissing me, then telling me things I didn't want to hear. It was all just too much.

For the first time in weeks, I just let myself cry.


	4. Chapter 3  Empty Promises

**Thank you, once again, to Katie, who held my hand throughout this chapter and told me I wasn't crazy. **

Chapter 3 – Empty Promises

After my crying jag, I was so worn out that I could barely keep my eyes open. I'd forgotten what it felt like to cry that hard, to just let everything out and not hold it all inside. I couldn't say that I felt any better. I was sure that I couldn't feel any worse.

I left a note for Charlie on the kitchen table apologizing for not making dinner, saying that I didn't feel well, and that I'd gone to bed. Hopefully, he wouldn't come to check on me until I'd actually fallen asleep. I knew that this type of behavior would probably remind him of zombie me, and I didn't want to worry him unnecessarily.

My sleep was plagued with the unfortunate and all too familiar dreams of darkness and blood. If it wasn't Victoria sinking her teeth into my throat, it was the pack of werewolves trying to tear me apart from the inside out, while Edward looked on, not seeing me at all.

However, this time, there was one very subtle difference. In the distance, Edward was not the only one who looked on with indifference. A rust colored wolf had joined him on the other side of my peripheral vision in the darkness. A wolf with eyes that I knew so well…

I woke up screaming, clutching my blanket to my chest as I shot up in bed.

Charlie didn't come in to check on me and make sure that I was all right. It was a testament to how normal it had become for me to start the day with a petrified scream at the nightmares that still plagued me.

I rubbed my hands over my face vigorously, trying to forget the images that I could still see so clearly behind my eyelids. When they wouldn't leave me alone, I let out a frustrated groan and threw off the covers. I made my way over to the window, and let out a sigh. The rain was coming down in torrents, and there was lightning flashing in between loud bursts of thunder across the sky. The roads were going to be slippery. So were the walkways that I couldn't keep myself from tripping over on any normal day. Fantastic.

I didn't have the luxury of Alice's foresight, so I couldn't be completely certain, but I was almost a hundred percent sure that it was going to be a very long day.

I threw my bags down onto the couch, throwing myself down after them. I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and simply breathed.

The day hadn't disappointed. As soon as I'd walked out the door, I'd tripped and fell flat on my face, soaking all of my clothes in the process. Luckily, I hadn't injured myself, but I did have to run back inside and rush to get changed. I wouldn't push my truck to drive over fifty miles per hour on a day like this – the truck couldn't handle it, and quite frankly, if anyone was going to get into an accident on a day like today, it was me – so I knew I was going to be late for first period.

Which, with all the insanity that had occurred the previous day, I'd forgotten that I'd had a huge test in that morning. I was barely able to finish with the time I'd had left – less than twenty minutes – and I was almost sure that I'd bombed.

The rest of the day, blessedly, went by without incident, besides the usual clumsiness that came with P.E. I almost tripped again on the way to my car, but was able to save myself using the back of my truck to balance. Grumbling, I'd gotten into the cab and very carefully headed for home.

It probably wasn't completely necessary to do thirty-five the entire way back, but I figured, the way the rest of my day had gone, better safe than sorry.

Now that I was home, warm, and starting to dry off, all I wanted to do was go upstairs, change, and start dinner.

Fate, on the other hand, seemed to have other plans.

Just as I was about to stick leftover lasagna in the microwave, there was a knock at the front door. I turned around as the door pushed open, and instantly froze where I stood.

"Jacob," I breathed. I hadn't expected him to come back so soon. Although a very large part of me regretted the way we parted the previous day, another part of me still wanted to be angry with him for everything he'd said.

_Even if it was the truth,_ a horrid little voice in the back of my mind questioned. I squashed it down. Truth or not, he had no right.

I settled on staring at him blankly and waiting for him to speak. He seemed to be taking in my appearance and the expression on my face, gauging whether or not he should continue walking through the door or just walk right back out again.

Whatever he saw must have calmed his fight or flight response, because after a few moments, he closed the door behind him and walked into the kitchen, dropping his backpack by the couch on the way.

"Hi," he said awkwardly, leaning forward against one of the chairs.

"Hi," I responded. I tried to make my voice sound as casual as possible.

There was another awkward period of silence. Jacob fidgeted where he stood. I crossed my arms, scratching at a nonexistent itch. I couldn't stand the silence, but knew that pacing was out of the question, so I headed for the living room and sat down on the couch. Jacob, of course, followed, but stayed standing. He towered over me. It was slightly unnerving.

"So…," he said, finally. "About yesterday." He paused again and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know that I upset you. And I'm sorry. What I said to you… it was out of line. I'm not saying it was wrong, but…" His voice trailed off.

He looked at me, his eyes wide, open, and honest, and all of my remaining anger bled away. I dropped my arms and let out a breath. "Look," I said, standing up so that I could face him properly. I put my hand on his shoulder. His muscles tensed. "What you said…" I paused and took a deep breath. "It was out of line. And I wish I could tell you that I didn't think you were wrong for saying it, but I can't. Even if that makes me a hypocrite, even if it means I'm lying to myself… I just can't, Jake. Can you understand that?"

I could feel the tension leave his body at my words. Something I had said must have gotten through to him, because he gave me a little smile and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Oh, Bella," he sighed, giving me a squeeze.

Something about the way he said my name set off warning bells in my mind, and I couldn't figure out why. I shook my head to try and rid myself of my suddenly foreboding thoughts, but found that I couldn't.

I slowly pulled myself out of his arms and sat back down on the couch. I gave him a smile and tried to shake off the tension that was beginning to mount in the room. "So, do you have a lot of work to do?" I asked nonchalantly, beginning to pull my books out of my bag, "Because I know I'm just about drowning in it."

Jacob shrugged and sat down beside me. He took one of my hands in his, stilling my movements, then put his other hand under my chin and looked into my eyes. I was suddenly brought back to the last time this had happened, and fought down the panic that was suddenly building up in my chest. He was going to try to kiss me again. He was going to try to kiss me, and I wasn't sure if I was anymore ready this time than I was last time.

With his eyes boring into mine, his skin seeming to burn under my chin, I rationally thought about what was possibly about to happen. Last time, had we not been interrupted by that phone call, he would have tried to kiss me, and I would have let him. I might not have been ready, but I would have let him kiss me anyway, because he was Jacob. He was Jake, my best friend Jake. Werewolf or not, he had been there for me when no one else had known how to be, and as much as it hurt, maybe he was right – maybe it was time stop waiting for something that would never return to me.

But would I ever really stop waiting for Edward? I didn't want to think about it, so I did the only thing that seemed right to do in that moment.

I closed the distance between us and kissed him.

I'll never know what quite gave me the courage to actually do it. He was there, had been there for me through everything these past few months, and _he_...Edward…was somewhere else, not thinking about me, not loving me.

Jacob's eyes popped open in shock as my lips met his. I could feel his lashes flutter against my face. I guess, although it was something he'd wanted for a while – and I knew it was something he'd wanted, he'd made it abundantly clear several times, specifically that day that he almost kissed me in my kitchen – he hadn't expected _me_ to be the one to go through with it.

I opened my eyes to meet his and I could see that he was staring at me.

I pulled away and my face flushed. Maybe he hadn't been about to kiss me. Maybe I'd gotten the signs all wrong.

I was going to apologize, but before I got the chance, Jacob leaned forward again and pressed his lips to mine.

The kiss was warm – that's the best way I can describe it, so much different to what I was used to. Jacob ran his hand through my hair, but he was careful not to push me too far too fast. This time, he seemed to be taking my lead.

I tried to open myself to the kiss. I tried to close myself off to everything else I was feeling and just feel _this, _but more than a small part of me was relieved when Charlie's cruiser pulled into the drive.

Jacob's ears picked up on the sound a fraction of a second before I did. I must have distracted him pretty well then. He was usually a lot more alert.

He pulled away from me with a sigh. "Charlie's home," he said. There was a definite sound of disappointment in his voice.

I tried to smile at him, but I wasn't quite sure how well I succeeded. "I know. I heard him pull in." I paused. "But – you'll be back tomorrow, right?"

Jacob's responding smile practically made his face glow, and it only made me feel that much worse about what I was doing. "Yeah, I'll be back."

I watched as he slowly gathered up his bag, then walked him to the door just as Charlie was making his way inside.

"Hey kids," Charlie said, wiping his feet on the mat at the door. "You two have a good day?"

"Fantastic," Jacob said with a huge grin. My heart sank.

I walked with him to his car, trying not to think about anything at all. He paused before he got into the driver's seat to awkwardly lay a kiss on my cheek. I blushed, but it wasn't because I was embarrassed.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked, and his voice was so anticipatory, so happy, that I automatically wanted to kick myself. What had I done?

"Yeah. See you." I gave him a little wave and walked back to the house as fast as I could without looking like I was trying to get away from him.

Which was exactly what I was doing.

When I came back into the house, Charlie was sitting in the living room flipping through the channels on the TV. I purposely avoided his eyes as I gathered my books together from the floor. I knew he would see right through me if he took a good look at my face.

"I see you and Jacob Black are back to getting along. That's good. I'm glad." And he did sound genuinely happy about it.

"Yeah, Dad," I mumbled, my eyes still facing the floor, "Its – perfect."

As much as I wasn't looking at him, Charlie must have heard something in my tone of voice, or seen something written on my face, because I saw him frown and then stare at me. Hard. "Bella – " he started.

I cut him off before he could say anything. "You know Dad, I've still got a lot of homework to do, so I'm going to go upstairs and finish."

I started backing up towards the stairs as I spoke. I wasn't sure for how much longer I could keep myself together.

"Bells," Charlie didn't seem like he was going to give up easily. He started to stand up to face me. "Honey, are you sure – "

I cut him off yet again. "I'm fine. Nothing's wrong." I gave him a very quick smile before turning around and speeding up the stairs as fast as I could. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Charlie's dumbfounded expression. "Dinner is in the microwave. Just needs a few minutes!" I shouted down.

I closed my bedroom door as softly as I could. I took a few deep breaths and didn't even make it to the bed before my books fell from my arms and I fell into a crumpled heap onto the floor.

The gaping hole inside of me that I'd fought so long and so hard to hold together was ripped open wide, and I wrapped my arms around myself, fighting futilely to hold myself together. I could barely breathe against the sobs that wracked my body.

_Don't make any promises that you aren't sure you can keep. _Alice's words reverberated through my head as everything she'd said to me the day that she left came back in a rush. Suddenly, the reason for the foreboding feelings before I'd kissed Jake became abundantly clear.

_Oh - oh, it's still not clear, but I think it makes sense to me now. _It also made sense to me now as to why Alice couldn't completely make out her vision. She couldn't see werewolves. All she'd seen is me kissing someone. Someone else. Someone who wasn't Edward. I began to shiver and found that I couldn't stop.

Then, I remembered the very last thing she said to me, and the words were almost enough to send me right back down into the void.

_Your decisions will make you or break you._

The true meaning behind the words was still as lost to me now as it was then, but at that moment, I was as sure of one thing as I was that there was oxygen in the air I breathed.

I had yet to make the decision that Alice was so sure I would have to make.

What would this decision entail, this decision that could break me? Wasn't I broken enough already? The thought that came to me then made me gasp and double over, clutching at myself even harder then I already had been. What if this decision had to do with Edward? What if my being with Jacob somehow meant that I would have to give up on him…forever?

The thought was too much to bear, even as my mind once again reminded me of the terrible facts.

Edward was gone. He didn't love me.

Edward was gone, he didn't love me, and I'd kissed Jacob. But that didn't matter, right? Because _he – Edward _was gone, out of my life forever, and everything we'd ever shared was a lie.

So why did I feel like I'd betrayed him? And more importantly, why did I feel like I'd betrayed myself?

_It will be as if I'd never existed. _His parting words whispered back at me, making me sob that much harder, clutching at my stomach, then at the place where my heart used to be. Really, how many times could a human heart break before it couldn't be put back together again?

"I hope this is what you wanted," I whispered bitterly through my tears. No one answered back – no one but the rain falling outside the window and the empty walls.


	5. Chapter 4  The Blackest Betrayals

**An everlasting amount of gratitude goes out to ****Katie,**** who helped me through my writer's block and said "Okay, here's what you should do," when I told her I knew what I wanted for this chapter, but not how to get there. **

**Also, I know it's late and we've all read it by now, but Happy Eclipse everyone :D**

Chapter 4 – The Blackest Betrayals

My dreams that night were no less frightening than any other night, filled with imagery my conscious mind was fighting so hard against considering.

I was standing in the dark forests surrounding La Push. The same rust colored wolf, the one that had haunted my dreams for so long, came loping towards me. For some reason, this time, I wasn't scared. I knew there was no reason to be.

Suddenly, the vision of the wolf twisted and bent and there, standing in front of me, was Jacob. Of course. Of course the wolf was Jacob. Who else could it be?

He stepped towards me, one hand reaching out to touch my face. Even in my dreams, his skin was hot, so much warmer than mine. His palm burned against my cheek. His brown eyes seemed to bore into my own as he leaned down to kiss me. I could feel the smile tugging at his lips as they pressed against mine, soft but sure.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, even as everything in my head screamed "not ready, not ready, not ready." He shifted his body closer, pressing against mine, forcing me back against the tree I had been leaning against. He reached his other hand up to brush along my neck, and I gasped.

Suddenly, his hands were cold, his body no longer humanly soft, but inhumanly hard as stone. I pulled away, terrified of what I would see in his eyes.

Edward's face was staring down at me, his eyes a bright burgundy, his teeth shining in the bright light of the full moon as he grinned.

I woke up screaming.

My heart was pounding against my ribcage, mu pulse thrumming in my ears. This was not the scariest of the dreams I'd had in recent months, but it was certainly the worst of them.

My screeching must have been worse than usual, because Charlie came bounding into the room a moment later. "Bella, are you alright?" he asked, his eyes automatically scanning for an intruder.

I looked at him standing in the doorway and it took my eyes a moment to focus, another moment for me to find my voice.

"Yeah - yeah Dad." My voice was hoarse, probably from all the crying and screaming, I decided. "Just a nightmare. Sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep."

Charlie eyed me suspiciously, and I tried to give him a smile that I'm sure came out looking more like a grimace. He stared at me for a moment more before he finally sighed and nodded.

In a rare gesture if affection, he came over to my bed and ruffled my hair. "They're just dreams, Bella," he said softly, "Just...try to go back to sleep, alright?"

I nodded and watched as he walked out of the room, glancing again at me over his shoulder before he shut the door.

It wasn't until Charlie was out of the room that I realized that my hands were clenched tightly, my arms shuddering almost violently. I slowly opened my fingers and rubbed a shaky hand over my face. This is ridiculous, I thought to myself. I'd had so many other more terrifying nightmares since...since he left. Why did this one affect me so much more than the rest?

The words _guilt_ and _betrayal_ popped into my mind like unwanted visitors, and I groaned, throwing myself back against my pillows. I glanced at my clock - 5:00 AM - and groaned again. I hadn't been awake this early for school in months, not since -

No. Don't think about that, Bella. It will only make things worse.

I swung myself out of bed, moving on shaky legs to grab my clothes for a shower. Being up this early had one upside, at least - I really was drowning in homework, and I'd gotten none of it done last night.

I barely had it finished with enough time to grab a cereal bar from the kitchen and race out the door to get to school on time.

Classes passed by in a blur. I was bored to tears in every class but gym, where I was too busy trying not to injure myself and others to be bored. I spent my lunch hour with Angela and Mike, pointedly ignoring Jessica, who still seemed to harbor some latent resentment for the stunt I'd pulled in Port Angeles. A part of me couldn't blame her - I really had been reckless and stupid - but another part of me thought she should just get over it already.

The rest of the time was spent trying _very_ hard not to think about Edward or Jacob or my dream at all. So far, I had succeeded.

When the phone rang as soon as I walked in the door that evening after my shift at Newton's, my heart plummeted to the floor. I knew who it was after the first ring, before Charlie even picked up the receiver.

"Hi, Jacob." If it was possible, my heart sank even farther, _through _the floor now. I was sinking to unheard of depths. Charlie turned to me, a grin on his face. I wanted to be invisible. "Yeah, she just walked in the door. Hold on a sec." He covered the phone with his hand. "It's Jake. You want to take it?"

_No. _I had to clear my throat before I could speak. It was this morning all over again. "Yeah, I'll take it."

Charlie handed me the phone and walked into the livingroom, giving me the illusion of privacy. I was sure he would be hanging on every word, so I had to be careful of what I said.

"Hey, Jake," I was barely able to croak out. My throat was constricted.

He didn't seem to notice. "Hey, Bella." He sounded so happy just at hearing the sound of my voice that I wanted to follow myself right through the floor at that very moment. "How was work?"

"Boring," I mumbled, "We had three customers in three hours." Good. Keep him talking about something, anything else, maybe he won't ask if -

"Well, if you're not busy, do you mind if I swing by?" I could hear the barely concealed anticipation in his voice. All I could see was the look on his face after I'd kissed him, all I could think about was the guilt that had overwhelmed me after he left - guilt for leading him on, guilt for leaving Edward behind, even though he left me behind.

Then I thought about my dream, about the kiss, about Edward's red eyes, and my heart began to pound just as it had this morning. I couldn't see him in this state of mind, I realized. As much as I needed him, right now, seeing him would only make things worse.

My head spun as I fought to come up with a convincing excuse, one that he would believe and would keep him from coming by unexpectedly. "Actually Jake," I hesitated. I didn't want to lie to him. "I have a lot of work to do tonight. I have a big paper due tomorrow that I haven't even started yet, and I really need to be able to focus on it." It wasn't a complete lie - I really did have a lot of work to do, and I really did have a paper to finish.

I waited with bated breath to see if Jacob would buy my excuse.

He sighed, and I could sense the disappointment in his tone. I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I was holding. "Damn. Alright, well, I'll come by tomorrow then. Billy says the weather is going to be nice - maybe we can take the bikes out."

He sounded so hopeful, but I knew I wouldn't be ready to see him in another twenty-four hours, so I left him with a vague, "Maybe." I sighed. "I really have to get going, Jake."

"I know, I know. Lots of work to do." Even over the phone, I could tell he was grinning. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Bells."

"Yeah. Tomorrow. Bye."

I hung up the phone feeling absolutely disgusted with myself.

The next few days passed me by in a hazy blur. I got out of bed and went to school like it was any other day. I spoke to my friends. I had dinner with Charlie.

I made every excuse I could not to see Jacob.

I told him I still had too much homework, that I was working the late shift at work (I didn't tell him that I had requested the late shift). I even went out with Angela to a movie one night, leaving Charlie to deal with the inevitable call when it came.

At first, Jacob took all of my excuses for truth and told me that he would just see me later on in the week or on the weekend, when he was _sure _I would have time to spare. After the unplanned night out with Angela, he caught on that my excuses were just that - excuses.

That night when I got home, Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper. I glanced at my watch and noted the time - 9:30. I knew there was a game on that he would usually be watching. If he was sitting in the kitchen, he was probably waiting for me to come home, and if he was waiting for me to come home... I inwardly groaned. There was a lecture coming, I could almost smell it.

"Jacob called," Charlie said as I walked into the kitchen. "He said that you've been busy with work this week and haven't been able to see him."

"That's true, Dad," I said as I sat down and shrugged out of my jacket. "You know I've been -"

"Yes, I know - lots of work to do with finals coming up, late nights at Newton's. He just seemed a bit put out when I mentioned that you were out with Angela Weber, especially when I told him I hadn't even known that you had plans tonight."

My mouth dropped open. I had to catch my breath before I was weakly able to ask, "You told him that?"

"Yes, Bella, I told him that." He sighed and pushed the newspaper to the side. "Honey, I don't know what's going on between you and Jacob - although if you're avoiding him this much all of a sudden, I'm sure I have a good idea - but it's not fair to him for you to just blow him off like this."

"I know, Dad," I grumbled. I didn't need him to tell me what I already knew. Way to make me feel ten times worse about all this than I already did.

"Then I suggest you pick up that phone and talk to him. I'll even go upstairs if it makes you feel better."

"Thanks," I choked out, the thought of calling Jacob and talking to him about what happened between us making me feel nauseous.

Charlie stood up, giving me a pat on the shoulder as he wandered up the stairs. I waited until I was sure he was in his room before turning to stare at the phone as if it had teeth and was going to turn around and bite me.

I took a breath. _Might as well get this over with. _I dialed Jacob's number, praying that he would be the one to pick up.

"Hello?" For once, my prayers were answered.

"Jake," I breathed. I took another deep breath. "Hi."

"Yeah," he said, and I caught the distinct sound of frustration in his voice. "Hi." He took a breath of his own, and I couldn't even get a word in before he blurted out, "Why have you been lying to me?"

I was stunned. "I haven't been." My voice betrayed my guilt. "I've just really had -"

He cut me off. "A lot to do, I know. You've been feeding me the same excuses all week, and then tonight, I find out you're with your friend at a movie. That doesn't sound like work to me."

I couldn't say anything. My voice was frozen in my throat.

There was a pause in the conversation where the only sound was my own heavy breathing. I heard him take a deep breath, as if preparing himself to say something. I hoped he wasn't going to bring up our kiss. I wasn't ready to talk about what it could mean for us and our friendship and the direction it could be taking.

He said exactly what I'd hoped he wouldn't.

"If this is about the kiss, then -"

"Jacob," I said, finally finding my voice and cutting him off. He stopped talking, waiting for me to continue. I took a breath. I knew what I had to say. "This... is about the kiss." I could barely say the words aloud. I was almost whispering. "It...It was a mistake."

I could hear his breath hitch. I must have been the most horrible person on the face of the planet at that moment. "Bella -"

"No, Jake, let me explain. It... It wasn't a mistake to kiss you. I... I'm just not ready for another relationship yet. I know it's selfish to make this all about me and to not think about what you want, but -"

"Bella!" He said, effectively cutting off my rambling. "It's okay. I'm not going to say I'm not disappointed, but... it's okay. We'll figure it all out."

"Thanks," I whispered.

"Do you mind if I still come by tonight? I've...missed you the past few days." It seemed that after what I said, the admission was a hard one to make.

"No. Tomorrow's Saturday, I'm sure Charlie won't mind."

"Great. See you in a few." He hung up, and as I put the phone down, I could feel my hands shake, just a little. After all that, he was still optimistic. After all that, he still wanted to see me, still missed me.

It was so much more than I deserved.

I trudged slowly up the stairs, and when I reached the top, Charlie poked his head out. "Everything alright?"

"Fine," I mumbled. "Jake's coming by in a few minutes."

His answering smile was radiant. "See? What did I tell you? Everything is fine."

"Yeah, Dad, you were right," I sighed. "I have to straighten my room up before he gets here, though."

"You get to that, then. I'm going down to catch the rest of the game, I wonder what the score is," he wandered off, muttering to himself about who might be winning.

I walked into my room, took one look around, and sighed. My clothes were piled all over the floor, my books strewn around them. Shaking my head, I set about putting things in some semblance of order, trying not to let my thoughts wander off in any direction other than to the task at hand.

I shoved a pile of laundry into my closet and was about to shove another pile into the duffel bag under my bed when my foot caught on something, sending me tumbling to the floor with a loud thump.

"Ow," I grumbled. Served me right. I searched behind me for the offending object that had tripped me, and rolled my eyes when I noticed one of my floorboards had come loose.

"Bella, you alright up there?" Charlie yelled from the foot of the stairs.

"Yeah, Dad, I'm fine," I said, about to shove the board back into place. "Go back to the...game." I paused as something caught the light of the room, flashing for a moment. I could feel my brow furrow in confusion. There was something there, under my floorboard.

But I'd never put anything...

My eyes widened, heart stuttering to a halt as I stuck my hand beneath the board to pull out the offending item. I was letting my imagination run wild. There was no way this could be what I thought it could be. I closed my eyes and pulled the object out with a shaky hand, purposely paying no attention to its shape. No way in heaven or earth that it could be...

I opened my eyes and glanced at the object, and the entire world titled on its axis and came to a screeching halt.

It was a CD. To be precise, it was the CD Edward had made me for my birthday, the same CD that had gone missing the night he'd left me.

I stared at the object, at my name written in his perfect penmanship on the front, and fought against the way I could feel my heart begin to break, against the way I could feel the hole in me begin to widen even further. This was not what I needed right now.

I knew what else I would find if I slipped my hand back under the floorboard. I knew I should just leave things well enough alone, but I had to know for sure.

I was a glutton for punishment, it seemed, because my hands grasped the rest of the objects, flat, paper, and I knew what they were without having to look at them.

I looked at them anyway.

First were the plane tickets to Jacksonville, a reminder of the planned trip to see my mother we were both supposed to take together. Next was the picture of the two of us in my livingroom. The sight of the cold, hard mask on his face was almost enough to make me break down right then, a reminder of his words before he'd left, that he'd been planning to leave me long before he actually did and that somehow, deep down, I had known.

Last was the picture of him, radiant and smiling on my birthday, too beautiful for words. Looking at that picture, I could almost convince myself that there was a time when he had loved me. I ran my fingers over his face, tears stinging my eyes. I thought he'd left me, left me for good, and here, he'd left a small piece of himself for me to find under my floorboards. I doubt he'd ever meant for me to find these reminders of our past - for it was _our _past, whether he would want to think of it that way or not - or else I'm sure he would have chosen a better hiding spot.

I stared at the picture of Edward smiling back at me as I climbed onto my bed, the CD still clutched in my other hand.

I felt a little piece of my soul shatter as I realized that these were all a sign of everything he'd thrown away so easily, all a sign of everything I just couldn't let go of. Even if he wasn't ever coming back to me, even if he didn't love me, even if I tried to convince myself that what I felt for Jacob was enough...it would never be enough. Jacob deserved more than the half of my heart he was getting.

As if brought there through the force of my thoughts, there was a knock on my door, and Jacob walked into the room. I must have looked shell shocked, like the victim of a tragedy, because he quickly walked over and sat down next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I didn't realize until that moment that I was shaking.

"Bella, Bella, what happened?"

The concern in his voice made me clutch the picture tighter in my hand, a wave of guilt and anger pulsing through me suddenly, guilt for what I was doing to Jacob, and anger for what Edward had done to me. It was the anger that shocked me.

"I..." I shook my head. I couldn't tell him about this. On top of everything else? It wasn't fair.

"It's not important," I whispered. I gave him a shaky smile. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

There was definite disbelief in his eyes as he stared back at me, but he knew better than to press the issue. Instead, he put his hand under my chin. My heart beat even faster in my chest. _What is he doing?_

"What are you doing?" I voiced the question, embarrassed by the way my voice shook.

Jacob continued to stare at me before shaking his head. "Bella, I know what you said on the phone... about not being ready. And I understand, I do. But...maybe you _are_ ready and you just don't know it yet. Maybe you want to be, but you're holding onto something..._someone _else so tightly that you don't know how to let anyone else in."

My heart stuttered even faster. He was right - hadn't I thought the exact same thing?

"So, I'm not asking you to give your entire heart to me," he continued, and the force of his eyes pulled me in, kept me from interrupting. "I just want you to let me in."

He leaned forward, and my hands clenched tighter around the picture and the CD.

"Just let me in, Bella," he whispered. Then, his lips found mine.

At first, I was frozen. I was unsure. I still wasn't ready. But after finding Edward's gifts under the floorboards, something had snapped within me. To keep back the tears, I gave myself over to the kiss. I may not have been ready, but I was going to let him in. Jacob deserved that much from me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hands still clenched into fists. One of his hands tangled into my hair, the other running down my back, and I gasped. He was so _warm_, so soft, so not what I was used to, and the difference between he and Edward made my head spin. Or maybe that was just the way he was kissing my neck.

My hands fell open of their own accord, and when the sound of plastic hitting wood reached my ears, I pulled back with a gasp. "Charlie," I said, and as his lips found mine again, I turned my head to face the window. "Charlie is -"

But I didn't finish my sentence. My words had effectively died in my throat as Jacob's arms stiffened around me.

I looked up and saw the face at the window, staring back at me. His eyes were filled with shock, and more anguish then I'd ever seen in their ebony depths.

As his face disappeared, that little part of me that was left that was still whole, still alive... withered and died.


	6. Chapter 5  The Flaw in the Plan

**After re-reading some of "Eclipse," I'm noticing just how similar some of my fic is. For those of you worried about spoilers, there will be ****NONE**** Any similarities between the two are completely unintentional. I had this fic planned out long before I read Eclipse. I had no idea the plotlines would be so similar. ****A special thanks to Katie, once again, to lending me her muse to get this chapter written.**

Chapter 5 – The Flaw in the Plan

The shock that rolled through me was laden with something thick and painful. I felt like I was moving through a haze, scared stiff.

The face at the window had been stunned, the look in his dark eyes wounded and absolutely heartbroken. I never wanted to see that broken look on his face again, knowing that I was the cause.

_He's back,_ I thought, heart pounding erratically.

Then, the logic set in. Maybe I was imagining things. Maybe seeing him at the window was just a figment of my own guilty mind, my own desires and hopes. Maybe it wasn't real. Maybe Edward hadn't come back for me just to find me in someone else's arms. The thought was a minor relief.

Then I noticed how still Jacob had gone, actually paid attention to how his arms had stiffened around my waist. He had gone alert, his own eyes and ears and nose turned towards the open window, and any hope I had that I had been imagining Edward's face evaporated in an instant.

Jacob's nose wrinkled, but his eyes were wide and attentive. In the second it took him to turn from the window to look at my face, I tried to school my expression into one of casual confusion. "What's wrong, Jake?" _Please let him buy it, please let him buy it, please let him – _

"Vampire," he said simply, and his eyes suddenly turned hard.

My heart continued to pound in my chest. I continued to play dumb, and would until he called me out. "Victoria?"

Jacob shook his head. "No, didn't smell like her. The scent was similar to Alice, but not the same." Suddenly, Jacob's eyes widened, as if that were the key to the question he was thinking in his mind. Of course, Edward might smell similar to Alice, I suppose, if I were a werewolf. I thought of what Edward smelled like to _me,_ and how the scent of his breath could make my head spin.

I had trouble keeping my voice steady as I said, "Do you need to go?" I was hoping he would say yes, praying, pleading with any of the Fates above who might have been listening to my thoughts at that moment.

The Powers that Be must have been on my side that night, because Jacob nodded. "I should let Sam know about this. He would want to know if some bloodsucker was trying to get into your window." He pulled back to look at my face. "Will you be okay by yourself?"

I nodded. I didn't trust my voice at the moment. I was already forming a plan in my head.

Jacob leaned forward again and pressed a kiss to my forehead. My stomach fluttered, and I wasn't sure if it was because of the kiss or because I just wanted him to _leave_ already.

"I'll call you tomorrow morning to check in on you. Someone from the pack may be here tonight to keep a lookout, so don't panic if you happen to see a shadow outside your window."

_Someone or you?_ I thought to myself wryly, but I nodded again. "I won't panic. Go, Jacob." I gave him a little push towards the door.

Jacob kept his eye on me as he walked backwards towards my door. He waved when he got to the doorway. I gave him a feeble wave of my hand in return. I waited until I heard him say goodnight to Charlie, then listened for the sound of his car pulling out of the driveway before I jumped off of the bed and practically ran for the shower.

First, I had to convince Charlie that I was getting ready for bed. That shouldn't be too hard – it was already 11:30, and I was prone to go to sleep early these days, even on the weekends. I almost ran right into Charlie on my way out of the shower.

"Going to sleep Bells?" He asked, his voice already gruff with exhaustion. There was a good chance he'd fallen asleep on the couch. Good - better for me to put my plan into action without getting caught.

"Yeah Dad," I said, a little breathlessly. "I'm pretty wrung out. Long day, you know?"

"Yeah," he said, fighting off a yawn. I fought off a grin. This would almost be too easy. "Night then, kid."

"Night, Dad." I walked as calmly as I could back to my room and closed the door quietly before bolting to the closet and pulling out my sneakers. I grabbed my keys off of my desk, and then paused in my tracks.

Was I really going to do this? Was I really going to sneak out of my house in the middle of the night and go off to try to find my vampire ex-boyfriend who had just seen me in the arms of someone else, and a werewolf at that (not that he knew that)? I could be caught, not just by Charlie, but by whoever was possibly going to be sent to watch over me tonight from the pack… so Jacob, I assumed. The thought of Jacob catching me on the way back from seeing Edward made my breath catch in my throat, and I wasn't quite sure why. That and I didn't even know where to start looking for Edward.

That was a lie, I thought to myself. I knew exactly where I was going to start looking. I was just afraid of what I would meet when I got there.

Stick to the plan, Bella. You wanted him back, and now you have to face the consequences. I took a deep breath to steady myself before quietly slipping out the door. I crept slowly down the stairs, not wanting them to creak, but also not wanting to trip on the way down. I tiptoed to the front door, inching it open just enough to slip through before shutting it silently behind me.

Next came the hard part.

I was able to climb into my truck without incident, but the sound the car made as it started could easily wake up the entire neighborhood. I stuck the key in the ignition and took a breath. If I was going to do this, I wasn't going to do it halfway. Letting out the breath, I turned the key.

The truck jolted to a start with its usual bang, and I froze, waiting for Charlie to come running outside, wondering what I thought I was doing and where I was going at this time of night. I didn't even have a back-up excuse to give him.

I waited and waited, and when I was sure that Charlie wasn't coming out after me, I pulled the car away from the front of the house and headed down the street towards the road that led out of town, heading north.

I tried to keep my mind clear as I drove, but my head was filled with nothing and everything at once. A part of me was hoping that he wouldn't be at his home when I got there, and another, larger part of me was hoping he would be there so that I could… do what exactly? Throw myself in his arms and beg for forgiveness? Have it out with him for leaving me and then coming back when I was more confused than I had ever been in my entire life? Forgive _him_ for leaving me and take him back? There were just too many possibilities, too many ways this could end, and my head swam with the effort to contain them all.

I was pulling into the meadow, the large, white house coming into view before I could even register that I'd made the turn-off from the road through the woods. My breath started to come in gasps, my heart fluttering at a dizzying pace. I put the truck in park, but let the engine idle. Now that I was here, all I wanted to do was turn back. My hands clenched around the steering wheel.

_You're here now; you might as well keep going._ I don't know when my mind had acquired a Voice of Reason, but I decided to go with it. My hand shook as I turned the car off, and I almost fell, my legs shaking as hard as my hand as I stepped out of the cab. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself. It wouldn't be a good idea to walk into the house while I was this nervous. I'd seen how black his eyes had been. I was in enough danger already.

Forcing that last thought aside, I made my legs move in the direction of the porch, taking slow, even steps up the stairs, my hand trailing along the railing. I paused as I reached the front door. The sound of a piano being played reached my ears. It took a few moments for me to recognize the familiar song, and when I did, I almost turned and ran full speed back to my truck.

Edward was playing my lullaby.

I took another couple of deep breaths, beginning to shake once again. If I was going to lose it before I even stepped into the house, before I even set eyes on him, then there was no point in walking through the door. I had to get some measure of control over my emotional state. I was sure he'd sensed me outside already – if he hadn't heard me coming up the stairs, there was a good chance he'd smelled me by now. But he'd made no acknowledgement if he did know I was there. He continued playing; I guessed he was waiting for me to take the lead. I closed my eyes as I imagined his fingers floating over the ivory keys, but the look of pain I'd seen on his face at my window replaced the look of peace that I knew was the usual expression he wore when he played.

That was the deciding factor. Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door.

The sound of the door creaking made me cringe, for more reason than one. I couldn't remember anything about this house that creaked or groaned, anything that wasn't perfect. Not the whitewashed floors, not the beautiful furniture. Not even the inhabitants.

The other reason was that if for some strange reason, Edward hadn't sensed my presence before, he was certainly going to be aware of it now.

"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come inside?"

The sound of his voice made me jump, pulling me from my musings. Until that moment, I hadn't realized that I'd frozen in the threshold, still half undecided about whether or not I was actually going to confront him. I hadn't even realized he'd stopped playing the piano so he could turn to stare at me.

Being under the full force of his eyes for the first time in months - black as ebony, but still depthless, still able to reel me in and pin me in my position - made my heartbeat jump, if possible, even faster, and my breath caught in my throat. Even from across the room, I was sure he would know the effect he was having on me.

It was a tremendous effort, but I forced my feet to move, one in front of the other, farther into the room and closer to him. Half of my mind was taking in the stiff way he was sitting, his hardened, unfeeling gaze, and screamed at me to run back out the still-open door. The other half of me wanted nothing more than to run towards him, close the distance between us, and throw my arms around him.

My body wisely chose a - happy? - medium. I stopped about twenty feet in front of him and cast my gaze at the piano, the moonlight coming in through the wall of glass behind him, my feet - anywhere but at him.

I thought of how sure of myself I'd been back at the house, how I'd wanted nothing more than to come and find him and _talk_ to him.

Now that I was here, I had no idea what either of us could say to rectify the situation.

We stood there in silence for a few more seconds before he whispered, "Tell me what you're thinking."

I'd expected anger, desperation, possibly, _possibly_ acceptance in his unfounded belief that I'd moved on.

Of all the things I'd expected him to say, I hadn't expected _that._

It took me a moment to collect myself. How did I put what I was feeling right now into words?

"I -" I stopped and took a shaky breath. I shook my head quickly.

Too quick - I heard him inhale sharply, and I froze, instantly going still.

I stayed unmoving, waiting for Edward to take another breath. I remembered him telling me once that he was desensitized to my scent - "Mind over matter," he'd said, and we'd laughed. Then, I remembered what he'd said a little later. That if he was away from me for any given length of time, he might have to desensitize himself again. "Then don't go," I'd said. I didn't want to have to test that theory then.

It looked like my coming here after spending months apart was going to force us to test that theory _now._

I heard him exhale, and I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding along with him. His eyes were repentant as he stood up and ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I should have known better..." It wasn't until the words were out of my mouth that I realized he could have taken them to have a double meaning.

Now, it was his turn to shake his head. "You have nothing to be sorry about." His response was just as cryptic. He took a step towards me, making a movement to raise his hand as if reaching out to me. He seemed to change his mind a second later, and his hand stilled again at his side. Instead, he walked over to the piano and trailed his fingers along the smooth surface of the keys, not hard enough for them to make a sound. I remembered what that soft touch felt like against my skin and I shivered. "You never did tell me what you were thinking," he said, his eyes still on the piano.

I took a step towards him. "I was thinking a lot of things," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I knew he could still hear me, so I didn't fight to speak any louder. "I was thinking about how much I wanted to come here and find you so that I could talk to you, but then when I saw you, I found that I couldn't think of what to say. I was thinking about your face at the window when you saw me with Jacob." His hand stilled against the keys, and I took a breath. I had so much more to say.

From somewhere deep within, I gained courage, but with the courage came anger, and as I continued, the volume of my voice rose, and I was startled to find tears forming in my eyes. "I was thinking about what you must be thinking. I was wondering why you would come home to me when you don't love me. Isn't that what you said, Edward? That you didn't want to play human anymore?"

"Bella, I -"

"No." I cut him off, and he stared at me, stunned. "You wanted to know what I was thinking. And I was thinking a lot more than just that."

He nodded and I forged full speed ahead. "I was thinking that you must be convinced that I've moved on when that couldn't be further from the truth and I was thinking about tripping over my floorboard tonight and finding the gifts you hid there - _hid_ there, Edward, like it was some sort of game, and about the look on your face when you left me, and how you wanted it to be like you never existed, but Edward... how can I, how can the world be like you've never existed when I didn't truly exist until I met you?" 

I didn't realize I was sobbing, didn't realize he'd come over to wrap his arm around my shoulder until he was so close that _I_ could smell _his_ scent, which only made me cry harder. I covered my face with my hands.

Of all the ways I'd imagined Edward and me reuniting, this had _not_ been one of them.

When I was sure I had a handle on myself, I wiped my eyes and let my hands fall from my face. Edward's arm was still around my shoulders. His face was inches from mine. If he kissed me now, I wasn't sure what I would do. Would I kiss him back? Forgive him? Did he forgive me? Had I really done anything that needed forgiving? My heart slammed against my ribcage.

Suddenly, Edward's nose wrinkled, and he pulled away from me. I was confused. I'd showered before I left. There was no way, no possible way that I could still smell like -

"Bella," he said, answering my unasked question, "It's not you. But your clothes reek of werewolf." His eyes narrowed. "Bella, _why_ do your clothes reek of werewolf?

I cursed. My pajamas had been on my bed where I'd thrown them that morning. Of course they would smell like werewolf, that's where Jacob and I had kissed. 

Before the night was over, I was going to give myself a heart attack. There were no two ways around it. "Jacob," I was barely able to choke the name out.

Edward's curse was a lot more colorful than mine had been. "Of course. Of course, the person you attach yourself to after I leave would have to be a werewolf, the only thing out there that could possibly be more dangerous for you to be around than me." He shook his head and looked down at me, a wry smile quirking at his lips. "Honestly, Bella, can't you just stick to the human species?"

My eyes narrowed. "Jacob is perfectly safe to be around. And besides, he _was_ human when you...when you first left me. He's only been a wolf recently -"

"Oh, even better!" He exclaimed, pulling away from me. "A young werewolf! A pup! That's about as safe for you as -"

"He was there for me when no one else knew how to be," I said, my voice barely audible to my own ears.

Edward reeled like I had slapped him, but he recovered quickly, and leveled me with an icy stare.

"Well, I suppose this is my fault then," he said, his words flat and unemotional. "I wanted you to live a normal human life, to move on, and now I see that you have."

"Don't," I said, and my voice broke. I knew I sounded desperate.

"Don't what Bella? Don't face the truth, don't stay, don't blame myself, don't -"

"Were you not listening to a word I said to you earlier?" I finally screamed, effectively breaking through his cool demeanor. I'd shocked him countless times tonight, and the thought thrilled me. "I. Still. Love. You."

"Yes," he said, stepping towards me again, "You may." He cupped my chin in his hand and I closed my eyes, relishing in the feeling of his cool skin against my face. His touch was so different from Jacob's, harder, smoother, but so much more familiar. "But whether you realize it or not, you've already begun to give your heart to someone else."

I opened my eyes, and began to protest but he pressed one of his fingers against my lips and the flow of words stopped before they began. He leaned his face towards me, and I fought the urge to inhale deeply when the scent of his breath filled my nose. Then, he kissed me.

The kiss was short, too short for my liking. I fought to press my lips more firmly against his, to lengthen the kiss, but his hand on my chin prevented that. "I still love you, Bella," he whispered against my lips. My eyes were still closed, but at that admission, they popped open. I could see his eyes, could see that his words were honest, and froze where I stood.

His next words sent my heart crashing against my chest once more.

"I still love you, Bella, but I'm not the only one who does anymore. Don't think I'm letting you go without a fight." He leaned in and kissed my cheek and before I could respond, before I even had a chance to process his words, he'd disappeared.


	7. Chapter 6 Whatever It Takes

**I am sooooo sorry it has taken so long to get this chapter uploaded. This fic **_**is **_**completed, so I will be uploading the rest as soon as possible. For now, here are the next three chapters. Happy Holidays!**

Chapter 6 – Whatever It Takes

It took a few moments for the shock to wear off, and when it did, I was left standing alone in Edward's living room. "Edward?" I called out. I didn't receive an answer, but I hadn't expected to. He had been gone long before I'd even realized it.

I walked back to my car in a daze, fumbling with the key in the ignition. I tried to keep my eyes and thoughts focused on the road, but it was to no avail. Edward's parting words echoed through my mind non-stop.

_I still love you, Bella._ The thought was enough to make my heartbeat fly all over again. He still loved me. Even if he loved me half as much as I loved him, it was enough. I frowned. But then why did he leave me? Why did he convince me that he _didn't_ love me, didn't want me, didn't want to be with me anymore?

_I'm not the only one who does anymore._ Those words were enough to make me pause. How could he know that Jacob loved me? He'd only seen us together for a few moments. He'd never seen into Jacob's thoughts or heard what was going on in his head. How could he _know?_

_Don't think I'm letting you go without a fight._ I scoffed. As if there was any competition. As if I could choose anyone else over Edward.

But then I thought of the pain in Jacob's voice when he asked me why I was lying to him, the way my stomach fluttered when he kissed me goodbye, and how he had been the only one who knew how I needed to be taken care of when Edward wasn't around anymore.

And suddenly, I wasn't so sure. Suddenly, I was terrified that I would have to choose.

I barely registered that I'd pulled up to my house, barely registered turning off the truck and getting out. I didn't notice there was someone waiting on my front steps for me until I heard my name called.

"Bella." Jacob's voice was harsh and cold, a tone I never wanted to hear from him ever again. I thought about how I'd had the same thought about the pain in Edward's features when I saw his face at the window, and I hated the way that I was already comparing the two of them to each other, as if I'd already realized that I would have to make a decision. A decision that had the ability to break me irrevocably. It was this thought that brought Alice's words to mind, and the sudden clarity that came with them brought all my other thoughts to a terrifying halt.

_Your decisions will make you or break you._

And just like that, Alice's words came crashing down on me, and my world came crashing down with them.

I was right. Oh God, I'd been right. The decision I'd have to make - the decision Alice said would make me or break me - it had to do with Jacob and Edward. I would have to decide between them. I couldn't have them both in my life - the Fates weren't _that_ kind.

I would have to choose.

"Bella," Jacob said to me again, this time a bit more gently. I stared at him. How could I choose? Had Alice seen my decision? Had she known I would choose Jacob and not wanted to be here when I did? Or had she seen me choose Edward and not wanted to be here to sway my decision one way or the other?

I was suddenly very angry at Alice for seeing this coming and not warning me ahead of time. My fists were clenched at my sides and I could feel my eyes water.

"Bella!" Jacob said again, louder and firmer this time, coming over to shake me by the shoulders. Then, his nose wrinkled, and he seemed to remember that he was supposed to be mad at me. His eyes hardened and I knew what was coming before the words came out of his mouth.

"You went to see him, didn't you?" The words were meant to be phrased as a question, but they sounded like a statement. I nodded slowly.

"Damnit, Bella!" Jacob yelled, dropping his hands from my shoulders. "Do you have a death wish?"

I almost laughed. Edward had said the exact same thing about my spending time with him, albeit in a more subtle manner.

Then, I realized what he'd said - you went to see _him._ Not "one of them," not "the leech," but _him._ I stared at Jacob and asked, "How did you know who the vampire was?" I didn't say his name, wouldn't until Jacob confirmed that he already knew.

Jacob rolled his eyes at me. "'The scent was similar to Alice, but not the same,'" he said, repeating his words from earlier. I must have looked confused because he shot me a withering glance. "I saw the flash of recognition in your eyes before I left, Bella, I'm not stupid."

I lowered my eyes. And here I thought I'd fooled him.

"I told Sam what I suspected and he told me to come back here and keep an eye on you in case _Edward,_" I winced as he said the name, "tried to climb back into _your_ window. When I got here and saw your truck gone..." Jacob looked somewhere between disgusted and horrified. "I never thought that _you_ would be stupid enough to go after _him_ after what he did to you."

"That's _my_ decision to make, Jacob Black, not yours," I said fiercely, stepping around him to head inside. I could see the faint light of dawn creeping on the horizon. If I didn't get inside soon, I would run right into Charlie on my way up the stairs. And if I was honest with myself, I didn't want to be having this conversation.

Jacob easily sidestepped me, effectively blocking my path. "No, you're right. It's not my decision. I just thought that after everything he did to you, after leaving you broken and telling you he didn't want you, that you would be a little slower to forgive him."

My mouth dropped open. How dare he! How dare he assume to know what had gone on between Edward and me! He had no right. He'd seen how I was when Edward left, the empty shell, the broken soul, and now that he was back, did Jacob really expect me to ignore him, to leave things alone and pretend that I had gotten over him when in actuality, nothing could be further from the truth?

"You have no right," I choked out, my head spinning with the force of my anger. "No right whatsoever. He told me he still loved me, just so you know."

Jacob let out a bark of disbelief, and the sound stung more than it should, so I decided to be just a little vindictive. "You're just jealous," I spat, hoping the words had _some_ effect on him.

"You're right," Jacob said, his voice surprisingly calm. It was the calm that startled me, more so than his easy admission. "I am jealous." Jacob stepped towards me, and I had to fight the urge to take a step backwards. "What else did he say to you?"

I almost told him it was none of his business, but that would have been a lie - it was more his business than anyone else's, besides Edward and I. "He said he knew he wasn't the only one who loved me anymore," I whispered, not sure how he would react to the idea that Edward had seen right through him in the few moments he'd glimpsed us together. My voice gained just a little bit of volume as I said, "And he told me he wasn't letting me go without a fight."

But Jacob surprised me. Instead of getting angry that Edward knew his secret, he grinned. He looked feral, like a shadow of the wolf of his other form. "Not without a fight, huh?" He whispered, leaning in close to me. I trembled, and I couldn't figure out if it was because of the look on his face or because I knew he was going to kiss me.

And kiss me he did. Jacob pressed his lips to mine with more force than he ever had, one arm moving to my waist, the other to my neck, and even though I was still absolutely furious with him, I couldn't help it - I gasped, fighting to keep my arms at my sides.

"If he wants a fight, he'll get one," Jacob whispered against my ear. I pulled back to try and figure out the full meaning behind his words from the look on his face, but his expression was carefully blank.

Then, he smiled and his whole expression changed. His face seemed to glow with it. "You should go inside, Bella. Charlie will be up soon."

I nodded, unable to speak and walked slowly to the door. This was quickly becoming one of the longest nights of my life, and that was saying something. I'd pulled it open and was about to slip inside when I decided to voice the worry that was nagging me at the moment.

"Jacob," I called to him, for he had begun to walk towards the forest behind my house. He paused, but didn't turn around.

"When you say fight," I said quietly, fidgeting with my fingers. I was afraid of the answer to this question. "You - you don't actually mean..." My voice trailed off.

Jacob stayed facing away from me when he answered. His response was enough to confirm my fears. "Whatever it takes, Bella," he said, walking slowly into the woods, "Whatever it takes."


	8. Chapter 7 Reunion

Chapter 7 - Reunion

I spent the next day convincing myself that the previous night had been a dream.

I didn't have work to distract me from my thoughts – Mike called in the morning to tell me that the store would probably be deserted, so I could just take the day off. Charlie was out fishing with Billy, and I had no desire to consider the repercussions of the conversations that would undoubtedly be taking place between the two of them.

Jacob hadn't called to ask if I wanted to hang out on the reservation, and Edward hadn't climbed in my window or followed me home. The only logical explanation I could come up with for both of these things was that I had imagined everything – the kiss with Jake, seeing Edward at the window, running off to see him so I could tell him how I felt.

_Jake should call soon,_ I thought to myself, not quite sure why I was so afraid to call him. If last night really _was_ a dream, then he wasn't mad at me, we hadn't kissed, and nothing had changed between us.

Right?

I stared at the phone in the kitchen, cringed, and then headed upstairs where I tried to think about things logically, wondering why I felt so tired.

Logic, however, was quickly and effectively run over and squashed by fact as I stared at the hole in my floor where my floorboard used to be, then noticed Edward's picture lying next to it and tried to figure out how it got there.

I leaned down to pick up the photo and as my fingers touched the edge, the night before came back with a clarity so stark it left me reeling. Edward kissing me, telling me he still loved me, that he was willing to fight for me. Jacob kissing me, telling me that _he_ would fight for me, too. I winced, waiting for old wounds to flare up again.

I walked over to the other side of the bed and picked up the CD that I remembered had fallen there. I placed it gently on my nightstand, fingers shaking just slightly. Then, I slumped down on the bed, suddenly exhausted, Edward's picture hanging loosely from my fingers. _Sleep,_ I told myself, _I need sleep. Then maybe all of this will just disappear._ I lay down, closing my eyes, and was asleep just as my head hit the pillow.

My dreams were plagued with images and sounds that seemed to flash across my mind and my eyelids - warm kisses and red eyes, Alice saying words I just didn't understand but that seemed to frighten me. The ones that were the most clear were those of a rust colored wolf howling, a pair of white teeth, lips pulled back in a growl, and a sound like thunder as two bodies collided while all I could do was helplessly look on.

I woke up in a cold sweat, Edward's picture clutched tightly in my hand, to the sound of my name being called

"Bella! You have a phone call!"

I groaned and rolled over, burying my face in my pillow for a moment. It was probably Jacob, and right now, I was back to not wanting to talk to him.

"Bella!" Charlie's voice was thick with impatience, so I threw off the covers and got out of bed.

"Coming!" I yelled down as I shoved the picture under my pillow.

I took the stairs slowly, partly because I was still sleep muddled, and partly because I had no desire to have any kind of conversation whatsoever with Jake right now.

When I walked into the kitchen rubbing my eyes, the frustration seemed to leak right out of Charlie. He smirked.

"Is this what you do all day?" He was definitely amused. I shot him a glare before rolling my eyes and he grinned.

"Evening, sleepy. Had I known you were asleep, I would have told Alice to call back later."

My head snapped up. I was suddenly wide awake. "Alice?" I asked slightly breathless, heart pounding.

"Yeah," he said, and he sounded just as surprised as I felt. "She said she was sorry she didn't call before, but there was a family emergency with -" He fumbled over his words and shot me a wary glance, eyes going hard. "With _him,_" he spat out.

I tried to keep a somewhat straight face, not for my sake, but for Charlie's. He needed to be convinced that hearing Edward was involved somehow wouldn't send me spiraling back down into a depression, and I needed to be convinced that my head wouldn't explode from sheer overload.

_She knows,_ I thought to myself, and I had to fight to keep my hand from shaking as I reached out for the phone.

Charlie watched my face carefully. I arched my eyebrow, trying to be nonchalant. "So, are you going to give me the phone, or are we going to keep Alice waiting so long that she hangs up?" I knew she wouldn't hang up, knew that she could probably hear the entire conversation Charlie and I were having even with the phone sitting face down on the kitchen table. Charlie, however, didn't know that, so he reached over to pick up the phone and handed it to me slowly.

"Just...don't let whatever she says upset you, alright?" he said, rather protectively.

I rolled my eyes again, but nodded, knowing very well that there was truth behind his words. Whatever Alice had to say was going to be very upsetting.

Charlie went to sit in the livingroom and I heard the volume of the TV go up, louder than usual. I assumed that was his way of telling me that he was willing to give me privacy, but would still be nearby if I needed him. I smiled a little sadly. I felt bad for making Charlie feel like he needed to protect me all of a sudden. I used to have him convinced that I could take care of myself.

Sighing, I picked up the phone.

"Well, it's about time," Alice said lightly as soon as I had the phone to my ear. I could tell she was joking in a way that only Alice could.

"Hi, Alice," I said wearily. I paused. She seemed to sense that I was going to say something else, because she stayed silent. Finally, I took a breath. "Why didn't you tell me?" The words were whispered, more for Charlie's sake again than anything else, because I knew I couldn't say them without my voice breaking.

"I couldn't tell you, Bella," Alice said, more solemn now. "If I'd told you, it would have changed your decision, and that's something you have to do on your own."

"I didn't mean about kissing Jake," I whispered, almost silently. I was almost certain Charlie didn't know for sure what had been going on between Jake and me and I didn't want to confirm or deny any ideas he might have. Unless Jake told Billy, in which case Billy had surely told him - I'm sure they'd gossiped enough to put Jessica to shame on their fishing trip today - Charlie would have to survive with his suspicions.

"I meant about...about Edward coming back." I said this, if possible, even quieter. If I didn't want Charlie to know about me making out with Jake in my bedroom, then I _certainly_ didn't want him to know that Edward Cullen was back in town. He'd fly off the handle in seconds.

"Bella, don't you see?" Alice's voice was over-eager, her words coming so quickly, I had to concentrate to catch them all. "If I'd told you that Edward was coming back to Forks, it would have seriously hindered your ability to make a rational decision. That and," she hesitated suddenly, as if not sure she should continue with her sentence.

"What Alice?" I asked, the exhaustion I was feeling in every fiber of my being evident in my voice. I'd had enough of surprises and cryptic riddles to last me a lifetime. Or two. "Spit it out."

"I wasn't sure whether or not he would change his mind." She said the words quickly, casually, but beneath the tone of her voice was a thread of unease. She was afraid of how I would take the news that Edward might have decided not to come back and see me.

I tried to make my voice sound light as I told her, "Well, if he hadn't come back, at least I wouldn't have this decision ahead of me. You know, the one that has the ability to break me." I couldn't help the hard edge that came over my voice.

I could almost hear Alice wince. "I'm so sorry, Bella. Maybe I should have been a bit more subtle," she admitted begrudgingly.

A short bark of laughter escaped my throat. "_More_ subtle? Alice, it wasn't until I kissed Jacob the first time that I figured out what you were trying to tell me, and it wasn't until Edward came home that I fully comprehended that last part. It's been infuriating trying to figure it all out."

"That's the point, Bella. You're not supposed to figure it all out," Alice said, rather impatiently. "You're supposed to let your life run its course and take things as they come."

"Yes, because that's worked out _so_ well for me in the past," I said, rather acidly. I sobered quickly when I realized what she was trying to tell me without actually saying the words.

"You're not going to tell me who I choose, are you Alice?" My voice sounded strained, strange to my own ears.

"I'm not going to know your choice until you make it, Bella." Alice tried to sound amused, but I could tell that underneath that amusement was worry.

"No - you saw that too, didn't you? You saw me…with Jake. I mean, before Edward decided that he was going to stay. Before I saw him at the window." _Before I realized I really had a choice at all,_ I added mentally. "That's why you left."

There was a pause on Alice's side of the conversation, as if she were debating whether or not she should tell me something. Finally, she took in a breath I knew she didn't need. "That's not why I left," she said, and it was as good as a confirmation of what she'd seen. "I didn't want to say anything more to sway your decision one way or the other. You have to admit, I'm a bit of a biased party."

"A bit?" I was able to gasp out. I could imagine her smiling angelically on the other side of the phone.

"Bella, listen to me," she said, and from way things were going, I didn't see that I had a choice. "I wasn't lying when I said that the decision you make could make you or break you. Whoever you choose," she took another deep breath. "Inevitably, it is your decision. The truth is, I can't see who you choose anymore, Bella. When I look ahead, all I see is you torn in two. But you can't split yourself two ways. You know that, don't you?"

"I know," I whispered, closing my eyes, even though I was already more than halfway there.

"Think about it," Alice said, her voice suddenly fierce. "Deep down, you already know who you want."

I didn't say anything in response. This conversation was not going as I'd hoped it would. I still didn't have any answers and if anything, I was even more confused than before.

"I have to go," Alice said, and I nodded, but then realized she couldn't see it.

"Okay. Will you call again soon?" I hated how desperate I sounded, but now that I had the Cullens back in my life, I didn't know how I would survive if I lost them again.

Alice laughed. "Silly Bella. Of course I will. And in the mean time, I'll be keeping my eye on you." I was sure she'd winked at the phone.

"Fantastic," I grumbled, but I couldn't help but smile as Alice's bell-like laughter echoed over the phone.

"Don't worry - no more cryptic messages, I promise. Oh, and Bella," she paused for a moment and I held my breath, wondering what this last thing she had to say could be.

"Don't panic when you go upstairs. Edward just came in your window."

My heartbeat kicked into high gear. "Okay." My voice sounded strangled.

"Night, Bella!" she said cheerfully and hung up the phone.

"Goodnight," I said, a minute too late. There was nothing but a dial tone on the other end. I stared at the phone for a moment before gently putting it back on its base.

The sudden urge to run up the stairs was one I wasn't used to anymore, and the force of it knocked the wind out of me. I took a deep breath. I had to do this the right way. If I flew up the stairs too quickly, Charlie would be suspicious. I glanced at the green numbers on the microwave and winced. That and dinner was definitely overdue. Maybe Charlie wouldn't mind getting pizza. _And that will give me some time upstairs while we wait for it to show up,_ I added to myself.

Heart racing, I walked into the livingroom. Charlie was staring much too intently at the news. "Charlie," I said, and he looked up suddenly.

"How's Alice?" he asked, and I could tell what he was really asking was "Do I have to forbid her from calling this house ever again?"

I smiled fondly at him. "She's great. Same old Alice." I paused as he scrutinized my expression, but didn't give him a chance to comment on whatever he saw written on my face. I blurted out, "Would you mind if we ordered pizza tonight? I'm beat."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "You slept all day, and you're _still_ tired?" Then, he was serious. "You sure you're alright?"

"Fine, Dad, really. I just feel like having a pizza night, that's all."

I rocked back and forth on my heels, suddenly impatient for him to say yes or no. The urge to run up to my room was back, stronger than ever.

"Sure kid, whatever you want. Why don't you go upstairs until it gets here, though? You seem a bit tense."

Tense - there was a time when Charlie would have described me as "keyed up" when I knew that Edward was upstairs waiting for me and now I looked tense. I shook my head. "Thanks, Dad."

I had to fight the urge to fly up the stairs two at a time. I took the steps slowly, not wanting to give away my anticipation or my anxiety. What if he'd left when I didn't come right up? Did he know that Alice had called me? Did he know about Alice's visions?

Anxiety was definitely at the forefront as I pushed open my door and walked inside.

He was there. Edward was there, sitting on my bed, still as a statue, staring down at something in his hands. His eyes were intense, and it took me a moment to realize they were back to their more familiar honey color. The sight of his god-like face took my breath away.

"Edward," I breathed.

His eyes slowly met mine, searching, as if he were looking for the answer to some unasked question on my face. I could do nothing but stare back at him, heart pumping wildly.

"How did you find these?" He asked finally, quietly, and when I realized just what he was holding, I felt my heart plummet to my stomach. It was the pictures from under the floorboard, the CD, and the tickets. The objects looked so small in his hands.

I had to clear my throat a few times before I could speak. "Floorboard came loose. I tripped over it," I said, a bit sourly.

Edward's mouth twitched at this reminder of my inherent and constant human clumsiness.

"I was cleaning and when I went to shove the board back in place, the light glanced off of...something. I knew I hadn't put anything under there. So, I looked." I shrugged, but my eyes narrowed and my voice took on a harsher tone. "Imagine my surprise when I pulled out your CD."

He grimaced. "I didn't intend for you to ever find it."

"I don't know why you left it there anyway. It definitely wasn't on my list of things you could have done with everything." My voice was empty, hollow. It was the closest to nonchalant I could muster. I didn't have his ability to go completely cold and hard and blank. An image of his emotionless face the night he left flashed through my mind and I flinched, fighting against the memory.

Edward stood up, leaving his gifts to me behind him on my bed as he walked slowly towards me. "What _was_ on your list then?" His voice was smooth, velvet, and I shivered.

I swallowed hard. "Took them with you. Burned them." I shook my head. "I don't know, Edward, but I didn't think you left them here with me." I glared at him harshly. "Sort of defeats the purpose of never existing in my life, doesn't it?"

Edward's face was still calm, but I noticed his eyes tighten ever-so-slightly at my words. He reached out a hand to cup my cheek and I closed my eyes. "Bella," he said, his voice soft.

He sighed. "You still don't believe me when I say that I still love you, do you?"

What was the point in denying it? I wanted to believe, wanted to believe him with every fiber of my being, but I just didn't see how he _could_ love me. It never made any sense to begin with.

Edward titled my chin upwards and I felt his mouth brush gently against mine. My lips quivered in response, and I fought against the urge to wrap my arms around him and deepen the kiss. "Open your eyes, Bella," he said, his breath a caress on my face. "I want you to see me when I say this to you."

I opened my eyes, and he was still so close, and so breathtakingly beautiful that my breath caught in my throat. He took one of my hands in his. "Bella, I love you. I loved you the day I left you, I loved you every single moment of every single day that I was gone, and I love you still now that I'm back here with you. Leaving your gifts under the floorboard..." He shook his head, and I was stunned to see that he looked ashamed. "It was selfish. It was one of the most selfish things I could have done, and I'm so, so sorry, but I had to leave them there with you, Bella. I had to leave a piece of myself here with you, even if you never knew it was there."

"Then why didn't you let me leave a piece of me with you?" I whispered softly, even though I knew that he'd taken something more than just a physical gift with him when he left. He'd taken a piece of my very soul. His words were beginning to make sense, but I was still having trouble believing that all of this time, he still really and truly loved me.

To my surprise, Edward laughed. "You were always there, Bella. You were in my every thought. Every waking moment was consumed of nothing but you. You _are_ my life. When Rosealie called me and told me that you were dead," his voice cracked on the last word, and he leaned his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. "I called your house. I had to make sure. When I heard your voice on the phone, I could scarcely believe it. Alice had been _wrong._ You were alive."

"It _was_ you," I said, remembering the strange prank phone call from the even stranger afternoon of Harry Clearwater's funeral. "I thought I heard someone say my name, but the day was just weird on a whole. I thought I was imagining things."

"Yes. It was me." He rubbed his thumb across my cheek, and I closed my eyes again, too. "Hearing your voice, though, wasn't enough. I had to come back and see for myself. I had to make sure that you were all right. It took a few days, and more than a few angry phone calls to the airline, but I finally got a flight into Port Angeles. And then..." His voice trailed off. He didn't need to say the rest.

"And then you came back and saw me with Jake," I finished lamely, my face burning.

Edward's arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me tightly to his chest. If I didn't know any better, I would almost say the gesture was possessive. "I was only planning to check in on you to see if you were safe. I was going to leave again right after."

I stiffened at his confession. "How could you think I would let you leave after I saw you again?" I asked him, my voice hoarse.

He stroked his hand through my hair, trying to comfort me. "You weren't supposed to see me. I was going to come later, long after I thought you were asleep, but once I was off the plane, I just couldn't bear to wait a moment longer. I had to come here. I had to see your face again, if only for a moment. When I looked in your window and saw you with that _dog,_" I flinched. I was used to hearing derogatory terms like leech and bloodsucker fly from Jacob's mouth, but somehow, hearing them fall from Edward's lips was just as painful, if not more so.

He noticed me shy away and apologized briefly. "Sorry - With Jacob then, I couldn't just leave you again. I knew that I was being a hypocrite, that I was going back on my word. I wanted you to live a normal human life, to move on, but now that you were, and I was here to witness the act... I just couldn't bring myself to let you." He kissed the top of my head. "I'm still as selfish as I ever was, and I still want you now as much as I ever have."

"But I didn't move on, Edward," I said, pulling back to look at him. "What you saw..." I took a deep breath. "What you saw...happening between Jacob and me... I don't...I mean I don't even know what I..." My voice trailed off. I was flustered, my face flushed. I wasn't sure how I could explain to Edward what I felt for Jake when I wasn't even sure I could explain it to myself.

Edward's fingers were running maddening trails up and down my arms, which wasn't helping with my thinking process, so I pulled out of his embrace completely. I sat down on my bed and stared down at my hands. If I was going to tell him this, I was going to tell him everything. He deserved that from me. "About a week ago, I kissed Jake," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "There were too many reasons to kiss him, and not enough reasons not to. I felt horrible afterwards. Guilty. I avoided him. I told him it was a mistake." I let out a little laugh, but it ended up sounding more like a sob. "You want to talk about being selfish? I must be the most self-centered person on the face of the planet. I made...us...Jake and I...all about me. But he still wanted to see me that night."

I felt the bed shift with the addition of Edward's weight. I ignored it, fidgeting with my fingers as I continued. "And then, when I tripped over the floorboard...I don't know, it just felt like something snapped inside me. He told me he knew that I couldn't give him my entire heart, but he wanted me to let him in. So, I did. I still don't know why."

"That one's easy," Edward murmured. "I already told you the answer last night."

I stared up at him then, slowly replaying bits and pieces from our conversation the previous night, trying to figure out what exactly he was talking about. My heart beat faster when the answer came to me. "You said I've already started to give my heart to someone else," I whispered. I thought about what Alice had said about only seeing me trying to split myself in two and in that moment, I realized that as usual, Edward was right.

Edward's gaze was suddenly intense. He ran his fingers down my cheek and neck, then across my collarbone, and I shivered. He wrapped his other hand gently around both of my wrists. "Yes. And do you remember what I said after that?"

If possible, my heart fluttered even faster in my chest. "That you weren't letting me go without a fight."

Edward leaned forward and breathed the word, "Exactly," against my face before closing the distance between us and kissing me.

I couldn't help it - I gasped as his lips met mine, hard and smooth and perfect. I understood now why he'd taken both of my wrists in his hand - I didn't want to test the boundaries of his self-control. My body, on the other hand, had a mind of its own, and my fingers flexed instinctively, itching to be free to run along his body and pull him closer to me.

Edward ran his free hand down my spine, then splayed his fingers at the small of my back to pull me just a little bit closer. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think.

"Breathe, Bella," Edward whispered against my neck as he trailed kisses down my throat and across my shoulder, then back up again. I let out a breath. "Be good," he muttered against my ear before he let go of my wrists. Then, he kissed me again.

I don't know how he expected me to behave myself when his lips were moving against mine so insistently, but I knew that if I wanted this to continue, I would have to find some measure of restraint. I wrapped my arms around him, but didn't pull him any closer. I did, however, reach a hand up to gently run my fingers through his hair at the same time he moved to kiss the hollow of my throat. I gasped.

Edward groaned. "I thought you were going to behave," he said, but he kissed me again.

"I am behaving," I said, breathlessly. "When I aim to misbehave, you'll know." I moved my lips to his neck at the same time I heard Charlie's voice call me from downstairs.

"Bella! Dinner!"

I groaned loudly into Edward's shoulder and I felt his chest rumble as he chuckled. "Damnit, Charlie."

"He does have impeccable timing, doesn't he?" Edward said, laughter evident in his voice.

I glanced up into his face; his amber eyes were shining with mirth. "I should get down there before he comes up." I bit my lip. "You'll still be here when I come back, won't you?"

Edward smiled and brushed my hair behind my ear. "I'll be here as long as you want me to be."

"Good," I said untangling myself from him and walking out of the room. "Because I'm not finished with you yet."

I could hear his faint chuckling through the closed door.


	9. Chapter 8 Mind Games

Chapter 8 – Mind Games

I opened my eyes the next morning to a sky that was dark and dreary, the clouds heavy with the storm that was surely on the way. I sighed. In a perfect world, the weather would have been bright and sunny. In a perfect world, I'd have come upstairs after dinner the previous night and told Edward to stay, and it wouldn't have been just a dream. In a perfect world, I would have woken up with his arms around me.

I closed my eyes, stretched my arms above my head and tried to roll over but found my movement constricted around my waist by what felt like arms. A pair of cold, solid arms…

My eyes snapped open and I used all of my strength to turn myself around. The grip around me lessened, giving me room to move. I turned my head slowly, and there he was, golden eyes staring back at me.

"Oh!" I said, one of my hands coming up to my mouth. I slowly moved my fingers to his face. He closed his eyes at my touch. "Oh, you're really here."

"Did you think you were dreaming?" Edward murmured, his voice quiet.

"Well…yes," I admitted, my face flushing hotly.

"You're not that creative." His eyes opened and his gaze pinned me to the spot. My breath caught in my throat. He was just too damn beautiful.

Then, I took in the creases around his eyes, the way his mouth was turned down into a thin line, and I frowned. "Edward," I said quietly, running my fingers softly along the tense line of his jaw. "What's wrong?"

Edward let out a breath I don't think he realized he was holding and pulled me closer to him. He buried his face in my hair. I was stunned and confused, but I let him hold me. He was clinging to my back like I was a lifeline, like I was the only thing keeping him rooted here. Or maybe like he was trying to keep _me _here.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered against my neck. I pushed against his chest, wanting to see him, wanting to know what had brought on this sudden need to apologize to me.

He must have seen the complete and utter confusion written in my face because he sighed. "You _were _dreaming about me last night," he said quietly. "But your dreams were nowhere near as pleasant as the reality."

I was about to ask him what on earth he was talking about when the images from last night's string of nightmares came back to me with a startling clarity. I'd had what had become the usual nightmare – the wolf and the vampire attacking each other, while all I could do was watch helplessly. Then, a new terror had invaded my subconscious. These images were somewhat blurry, but I knew one thing for certain – I'd dreamt that Edward had left me again.

"How did you know?" I asked him, my voice quiet as a whisper.

"You were talking in your sleep – calling out to me. I thought you were awake until…" He winced, and my breath caught in my throat. I knew what I'd cried out before he said the words and cursed my unconscious sleep-talking for putting him through more of this pain. "Until you said, 'Don't leave me.'" He shuddered, pulling me close to him again. "I swear, Bella, if I live a hundred thousand years, I will never forgive myself for leaving you."

"Don't," I whispered, pressing a kiss to his neck. "This isn't your fault."

He pulled back and brushed the hair out from my eyes. His fingers lingered on my cheek, and the guilty, desperate look in his eyes spoke volumes. "Then whose fault is it? And don't say yours," he said before I could get a word in edgewise. "None of this, not even a fraction of this, is your fault."

"Yes it is," I said, my voice dropping even lower and my eyes falling to my comforter. "If I wasn't so clumsy, if I hadn't cut myself on the wrapping paper of my own damn birthday present, then none of this would have happened."

But Edward was already shaking his head. "Bella, don't you understand? If this hadn't happened on your birthday, it would have happened some other time." He gently raised my chin and I had no choice but to meet his eyes. "You're only human, Bella. You forget how fragile you really are."

"You never let me forget," I mumbled petulantly.

His lips quirked into what could have been a smile, but then he was frowning again. "Being together… we've both always known that it's dangerous, for both of us."

"But-" I tried to interrupt him, my heartbeat flying. Was he planning on leaving me again?

"Don't worry, dear Bella," he whispered, laying kisses along my cheek, then my neck. I had to remember to breathe. "I'm not going to leave you again. I'm much too selfish for that."

"I'm glad," I said with a relieved sigh.

He shook his head and his hair tickled my skin. He whispered something against my throat, but his voice was so quiet, I wasn't able to make out the words. If I didn't know any better, though, I'd think he said, "You shouldn't be."

I'm not quite sure how long we lay there, holding each other in silence, but after a period of time, Edward sat up and sighed. "Charlie's getting up now. You need to start getting ready for school before he comes in to check on you."

I exhaled loudly and pushed myself to a sitting position. "All right," I grumbled. Edward smirked down at me. "Will I see you later?" I couldn't keep the worry from creeping into my voice. I was still afraid that once he left me, he wasn't going to come back.

"Are you working tonight?" He asked me.

"No."

"Then I'll be here when you get home."

"Promise?" I whispered, embarrassed by how needy I must have sounded to him.

In response, Edward leaned forward and kissed me, soft but sure. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips harder to his, knowing this would have to last me through the day.

"Promise," he breathed against my mouth. Then, my arms were in my lap, draped around nothing. The curtains fluttered in the window and he was gone.

Just in time, it seemed. "Bella!" Charlie called, from what sounded like the bottom of the stairs. "You're going to be late if you don't get out of bed."

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled under my breath. Sighing, I threw off the covers and braced myself for another day of classes at Forks High School.

At least there was a light at the end of this boring, monotonous tunnel, I thought as I started to get changed. I smiled in spite of myself.

***

Unfortunately, the light was a little farther away than what I was anticipating.

After a rather dull day at school, I sped home and all but skipped into the house, knowing that Edward would be there when I arrived. I frowned when I walked inside to find the living room empty. I walked further in, towards the kitchen, and my frown deepened. Still no Edward.

Fighting to keep the rising panic I was feeling from clawing its way out of my chest, I quickly made my way up to my bedroom. I took a deep breath before flinging my door open wide with a smile.

The smile fell, and I immediately had to fight to keep my breathing in check. _Calm down, Bella, _I told myself, while my breathing started to come in ragged gasps, _I'm sure there's a perfectly rational explanation. _

I sat down on my bed, needing to rest my shaky legs, and that was when I noticed it – the piece of paper lying on my pillow next to a single, blue flower that I didn't recognize. I picked up the flower and the note with trembling hands, not daring to hope. I held my breath.

A breath which I was immediately able to release once I saw my name on the front of the note in Edward's perfect script.

My fingers fumbled to unfold the letter as quickly as possible without ripping the paper. I read the words on the page and almost sobbed with relief.

_My Bella,_

_I'm sorry to break yet another promise to you, but I won't be able to be there when you arrive home from school today. Alice needed me for something rather important. I'm sure you'll find out what soon enough. Tongues do wag rather quickly in Forks. _

_I'll be there before you go to sleep. That is a promise that I can keep._

_I love you. _

_Edward_

_P.S. The flower is a freesia. Appropriate, no?_

I drank in every word on the page, laughing at the end. Freesia – yes, how very appropriate. I pressed the petals to my nose and wondered if this was really how I smelled to him. I would have to remember to ask him tonight.

Then, I frowned, remembering the rest of the notes' contents. _Alice needed me for something important_ and I'd find out what soon enough. I groaned, frustrated. More cryptic riddles for me to puzzle over. Why did vampires have to be so obnoxious?

Sighing, I made my way down to the kitchen. I could try to work out this particular puzzle while I made Charlie and I dinner. Chicken fajitas sounded tempting – they would keep my hands, and hopefully my mind, busy for a good enough amount of time until Charlie came home.

I was right about keeping my hands busy, at least. My mind, however, had plans of its own, and kept wondering what Edward was alluding to no matter how much I told myself to stop thinking about it because I would, obviously, find out soon enough. I dropped a plate, a glass – miraculously, nothing broke - and was in the process of saving the bowl of salad when Charlie walked in the door.

He smiled at me wryly. "Breaking things again, Bella?"

I glared playfully and waved my spoon at him. "Quiet, you, or you'll be getting takeout."

Charlie waved his hands in surrender and laughed. "All right, you win. I know when I'm beat." He practically fell into his usual chair.

"Long day?"

He shook his head. "You have no idea, Bells. I'm sort of glad you don't," he mumbled.

I didn't like the sound of that.

Once everything was on the table, Charlie fell silent, choosing instead to focus on his food. His face went suspiciously blank. I fought the urge to squirm in my seat. He could be moody, but this was odd behavior, even by Charlie's standards. Something was going on, I could feel it.

Charlie kept throwing me glances over his chicken fajitas, then turning his face away. I was able to pretend not to notice, but after fifteen tense minutes, I'd finally had enough.

Luckily for me, so had Charlie. He cleared his throat nervously. "Bella," he said, and his voice sounded slightly strained. "There's - ah - there's something that I need to tell you. Something that you need to know. But before I do, you have to promise me that you won't get upset, all right?"

My heart constricted in my chest. "What is it, Dad?" I feigned nonchalance. I even took another bite of my fajita to complete the illusion.

"Erm," he swallowed convulsively and then said, very quickly, "Dr. Cullen is back at the hospital."

I almost choked on my fajita, but I was able to swallow before I made a fool of myself. I stared across the table at him. This wasn't too big of a surprise to me, of course. With Edward back, it had only been a matter of time before the rest of the Cullens made their return.

Still, I didn't have to fake the shock in my voice as I asked, "When? And how do you know?"

"Er," he still looked uncomfortable, as if he were afraid to tell me this part, too. I was suddenly terrified that he had seen Edward, or that Edward had approached him or done something equally stupid. I could understand why - Charlie had no idea that I knew Edward was back in Forks.

Charlie clasped his hands in front of him. Finally, he let out a breath and grunted. "Sam Uley came down to the station to tell me." I froze. Luckily, he didn't notice and continued, "He said given the situation," he winced and I couldn't help but cringe along with him, "He thought I should know. He wanted me to tell you so that you didn't find out...some other way."

My heart pounded furiously. Of course. The one thing that would be worse than Edward announcing his reappearance to my father himself would be the pack finding out and telling him, never mind what ulterior motives they might have.

"Bella," he hesitated. "There's one more thing. But I don't know if I should tell you."

"What?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from shaking. Oh, God. What could there possibly be that was worse than this for him to tell me?

Unless...

No. He couldn't know. There was no possible way, in any sphere of the universe, that he could know that -

"Edward's been in town. He's been here a few days now." His voice was hard. I almost lost my composure right then, but he had more to say. "Jacob told Sam that he saw him a few nights ago, then again just this afternoon." He'd said all of this very slowly, gauging me for a reaction.

Now, he started to look worried. "Bella, are you all right?"

I was in such a state of shock, I couldn't answer him right away. Jacob had told Sam that Edward was back. I shouldn't have been too surprised - he'd want the pack to know that their suspicions about the vampire who had been at my window that night were confirmed. But for Sam to tell my father... that was a dirty game to be playing. Because now, I would have to tell him that I'd known all along that Edward Cullen was in Forks because I'd seen him, too. I wouldn't lie to Charlie about this, not if I had even the slightest hope for Edward to ever be able to step foot in this house again.

Charlie had to know that Edward hadn't avoided me, like Sam and inadvertently the rest of the pack were trying to make it seem. I would _not_ have him swayed to their side that easily.

I clenched my hands in my lap, gathering my courage. "Dad, I..." I exhaled and looked at a spot on the wall as I spoke. I couldn't look at him as I said this. I wasn't _that_ brave.

"I knew Edward was back. He came to see me last night."

The silence that greeted this statement was absolutely deafening.

He inhaled quickly, and I winced, bracing myself for the screaming that was about to come. Charlie didn't disappoint. "What?" He bellowed, banging his hands on the table. He stood up so fast that his chair clattered to the floor. "Bella-"

"Dad, we just talked!" I said, frozen in my seat.

"About what, Bella? Did he apologize? Or did he make excuses for why he left?"

"He didn't make excuses!" I yelled, my voice rising to meet his. I stood up now, too. I didn't like having him towering over me. "He told me the truth about why he left, and yes he apologized, but-"

"But what?"

"But I love him, Dad!" I said loudly, enough that he took a step backwards, stunned by my words. I think he'd known that all along, but it was one thing to think you know something and another thing to have it yelled in your face. "I love him," I said, quieter this time. "These past five months have been absolute… they've been hard. Harder than anything else I've ever been through, and yes, I would have gotten through the pain without him, eventually, but Dad." I took a breath. I wasn't used to giving my father lectures like this. We didn't give each other heart-to-hearts. "I wouldn't have been whole. I wouldn't have been…me. I wouldn't have been Bella. Most of her would have survived, yes, but part of her would have stayed the empty shell she's been since September." Charlie winced at this reminder of my actions in these past months since Edward's departure.

"Dad, I'm not asking you to take Edward back with open arms. I know that would be asking you for too much. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that I saw him – I wanted to tell you, but…" The words "But I wasn't entirely sure if he was really here to stay" hung in the air unsaid, and I knew that Charlie could sense what I was thinking even though I didn't actually say the words because his forehead crinkled up again, his anger mounting once more.

"Now, I'm going to tell _you _something. Bells, you didn't see yourself these past few months. No- wait." I was about to interrupt him, but he stopped me. "You had your turn. Let me finish." I nodded.

He let out a breath, and his words were colored with barely restrained rage, although I knew now that his anger was not aimed towards me. "You know how much pain you were in – of course you do. You were the one… barely living each day. But _I _was the one who had to watch you walking around with empty eyes, barely saying a word. _I _was the one who watched you break down in your room that first week when you finally came out of that catatonic state you were in, and Bella, I've seen some frightening things in my life, but seeing you shivering like that when Sam found you…" He closed his eyes and my eyes filled with tears. I knew then that I wasn't the only one who had suffered when Edward had left, and I was ashamed for what I'd put Charlie through.

Charlie inhaled slowly before he could continue. "You _were_ starting to get better, Bella. Even I noticed a change in you when you started hanging out with Jacob."

I couldn't help it – I rolled my eyes. Defense mechanisms at their finest. "Are we really going down this road again?"

His eyes hardened. "Jacob is still your friend, Bella, whether or not Edward has come home. He deserves a hell of a lot more respect and love from you than Edward ever will."

The phone rang and both Charlie and I jumped. My hands were clamped on the back of my chair and I couldn't seem to get them to move, but he was already moving to the other side of the kitchen. "Hello?" he said, his voice gruff and restrained. Then, he turned to me. "Bella, its Jacob."

I would never get over this boy's uncanny ability of impeccable timing. My eyes narrowed and I thrust my hand out for the phone. "Let me talk to him."

"Only if you promise not to wail on him too hard."

I stared at Charlie, stunned. My mouth dropped open. "I will do no such thing!" I spluttered. "If he didn't know this would be coming, then he doesn't know me at all."

He hesitated, all of his earlier anger gone. He was truly worried about what I was going to say to Jacob.

"I'll just go to La Push," I argued. "I have a few choice words for Sam Uley, too."

Charlie sighed and relented. He plopped the phone down in my waiting hand but didn't let go right away. His eyes were serious as he said, "They were just looking out for you, Bella. Just remember who's been here for you these past few months. And who hasn't."

I didn't have a response to that. The reasoning formed on my tongue, but I couldn't tell Charlie the truth about why Edward left, to make him fully understand. That, I think, was the worst part of all of this.

Charlie retreated into the living room to watch whatever game was on the television and I pressed the phone to my ear as soon as he was out of hearing range. "Jacob Black, you are _so_ dead," I seethed.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Jacob said quietly, and there was at least a little remorse in his voice. "But Charlie had a right to know."

"Isn't it _my_ decision what I do and do not tell Charlie?"

"Yes. But even you have to admit that your ability to make a rational decision is seriously hindered whenever _Edward_ is involved."

I couldn't believe this. I honestly and truly _could not_ believe this was happening. "So, it's perfectly fine for the two of us to be sneaking off and kissing behind Charlie's back, but it's entirely another when it's me and Edward?" I was grasping at straws and we both knew it, but I was too irate to care. "That's rather hypocritical of you."

"The rest of the bloodsuckers are moving back to Forks," Jacob spat from between his teeth. I could imagine his hands clenching around the phone. "You could have at least told _me_ that."

"I didn't know yet!" I fought to keep my voice below a whisper. I knew that Charlie was listening. "Edward was going to tell me tonight."

"He's coming over?" Jacob screeched in my ear. I jumped, almost dropping the phone. "I'll be there soon," he said, his voice tense. "Don't tell Charlie I'm coming."

"No!" I panicked. Jacob could _not_ come here. I did not want to think about what would happen if he and Edward saw each other. Visions of bone white teeth and flying fur danced across my eyelids and I shook my head furiously to dispel the images. "Don't you dare Jacob Black!" I fumbled for some way, any way, to keep Jacob right where he was. "I'll come there," I blurted out, making sure Charlie heard me.

"What?" Jacob seemed stunned.

"Stay. Put." I annunciated both syllables. "I'll leave right now and we can talk more."

"What about your precious Edward?" He said mockingly.

"Don't taunt me, Jake. I'm not in the mood."

Jacob was silent for a moment. Then, he grunted. "Fine. Don't come here. Billy and the rest of the pack are just as nosy as Charlie probably is right now. Do you know the break in the woods, right where Forks turns into the rez?"

"Yes," I said between clenched teeth.

"Meet me there." He hung up before I could say another word. I huffed and had to fight to keep myself from throwing the phone onto the table in response.

I didn't say a word to Charlie; I just headed for the stairs - I knew he'd heard the end of mine and Jake's conversation.

"Going to Jake's?" He called.

I was already halfway up the stairs. "Yeah, Dad. I won't be late."

"Don't worry about it. You two work this out."

I rolled my eyes, glad he couldn't see my response. Funny how he didn't think Edward and I could work things out.

I grabbed my keys and scribbled a note to Edward, telling him what was going on, where I was going to be, and absolutely _not _to follow me. I could handle this myself.

_Just wait here for me, please. I'll be back as soon as I can. _

_I love you too. _

_-Bella_

It wasn't until I was in my truck and halfway to La Push that I realized why Jacob had picked the place he had for us to meet. The boundary line - the closest to La Push Edward could be without breaking the treaty. Jacob knew that I would somehow let Edward know where I was going to be. He was betting on the fact that Edward was going to follow me, and he wanted the pack to be nearby when he did, just in case.

I was tempted to turn my truck around and head right back home.

_Too late now, Bella. The damage is already done. Might as well keep going. _I pressed my foot on the gas, willing my truck to go faster. I prayed that I would get to the boundary line before Edward.


	10. Chapter 9 Choices and Revelations

Chapter 9 – Choices and Revelations

This time, my prayers were not answered.

As I pulled up to our meeting place, my heart skipped a beat, then almost skidded to a stop. Jake was leaning against a tree, trying to look casual, but failing miserably. His arms were crossed over his chest, hands balled into fists. He was glaring in my direction, but not at me. He was glaring at Edward.

Edward looked cool and collected, but I recognized the mask of detachment on his face, and mourned its appearance. The look was all too familiar – it was the one he'd worn in the days before he'd left me. I put the truck in park a few feet away from both of them and had to shut my eyes, my hands closing tightly around the steering wheel. _Nothing is going to happen tonight. Jake just wants to talk. So, go talk. _I didn't believe my own thoughts, but I was able to take a shaky breath and jump from my truck, slamming the door behind me.

"I told _you_ to come, Bella. I didn't invite _him," _Jacob said by way of greeting.

"If you really thought I would let her come here alone, then obviously, there is something wrong with that brain of yours," Edward said in response.

I glared at both of them. "Enough." I reeled on Jacob first. "You knew that Edward was going to follow me – that's why you chose the boundary line as the place to meet up. I'm not stupid, you know."

"I never said that you were." He looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"Then stop acting like you think I am!" I yelled, my temper getting the best of me. I was finally letting all of my anger and frustrations out, even though I wasn't quite sure if now was the right time. "I'm not a child! Stop making my decisions for me, and telling Charlie things that I would have told him in my own time. And you!" I said, whirling to face Edward. He stared at me, stunned that I was going to give him a piece of my mind, too. "I told you to stay at my house until I got back and not follow me. Why didn't you listen?"

His eyes narrowed. "Bella, I wasn't about to let you get this close to a bunch of werewolves without some sort of protection."

"She's been fine without your protection for the past five months," Jacob said before I could get a word in edgewise. "Or at least as fine as she could be after you left her broken and alone in the woods." Jacob's eyes narrowed into slits, and Edward flinched, his eyes closing as if he were in physical pain.

"What's going on?" I asked, glancing between them, panic quickly rising. "Jake, what are you doing?"

"Remembering," he spat. "Remembering you, all those months he was gone." Edward's eyes opened, and he looked guilt ridden and absolutely miserable. "She's no safer with you than she is with us."

Edward's eyes hardened and he took a step forward. "I am not about to let her stay here, alone and unprotected, with a bunch of _dogs_."

"Don't _I_ get a say in any of this?" I asked, annoyed, my anger rising once again. Both of them ignored me, neither seeming to hear.

Jacob took a step towards him. The distance between them was closing quickly, dangerously. "And I'm not about to let her stay alone and unprotected with a bunch of _leeches_, particularly one who broke her as completely as you have."

Tension crackled on the air between them, and I could see that both of them were ready to spring. I couldn't take much more of this. "Damnit, stop it!" I yelled, moving to stand between them, throwing my hands out to keep them from getting any closer to each other.

That was when I realized the irony of the situation, the real reason they were at each others' throats. I was between them. Literally. These were my choices – the love of my life, or my best friend who I had started to love without even realizing what was happening.

_I'm not letting you go without a fight. Whatever it takes, Bella. You can't split yourself in two. _Their words and Alice's warning ran circles through my head, and suddenly, my nightmare from the past few nights – the werewolf and the vampire tearing each other to shreds right in front of my eyes – made perfect sense.

I found myself laughing before I could stop myself, loud, hysterical laughter that shook me from head to toe. Both Jacob and Edward stared at me, stunned, then both reached out a hand, obviously worried about my well being. This had to be a result of the emotional roller coaster I'd been on the past few days. I hadn't allowed myself to fully process everything, and now my brain had overloaded. I sunk to the ground, and eventually, the laughter turned to tears, and I was crying before I could stop myself. I wrapped my arms around myself and rocked back and forth, embarrassed by my breakdown, yet unable to stop the sobs from escaping.

"Bella-" Edward crouched down next to me and put a hand on my shoulder. I didn't acknowledge the gesture. I couldn't. I was still crying too hard, my breathing coming in frantic, ragged gasps.

"Breathe, Bella," Jacob said, leaning down on the other side of me and had I been in the right state of mind, I would have laughed – that was usually Edward's line, if for an entirely different reason. He looked at Edward out of the corner of his eye, glaring.

"Don't blame me for this," Edward said sharply, probably in response to whatever he heard in Jacob's thoughts.

"Stop it," I was able to gasp out, just barely. "Please."

Edward's eyes narrowed into slits, but he didn't say anything more. His hand moved in smooth circles along my back. Jacob's hand was on top of my own in my lap, probably in a futile attempt to stop their shaking.

Eventually, I was able to breathe normally, and the tears slowed to a stop. I gently pulled my hands from Jacob's grasp and rubbed my eyes. Then, I pushed myself to a standing position and carefully stepped backwards out of Edward's grasp. I couldn't have either of them touching me, not if I was going to say this and actually be able to get the words out without breaking down again.

Slowly, I glanced from Edward to Jacob, back and forth from one to the other. Then, I cast my eyes down.

"I can't do this," I said, and my voice only broke a little.

"Bella," Jacob said softly, but I cut him off.

"No. No, you're going to listen to me, Jake. Please," I pleaded with him softly, and he nodded.

I took a deep breath. "I'm not going to stand here and pretend that you're not both important to me. I won't. I refuse. I know I have a choice to make, but… I'm not ready to make that decision. I know that's selfish," I said, and I looked at Edward as I said the words. He was staring at me, his golden eyes intense, and I had to look away. "I know it's selfish of me to want to keep you both in my life. It's not fair to either of you. And I can't stand the thought of knowing that either of you are hurting because of me."

I took a breath. This was the hardest part. "Someone told me that I was going to make a choice that would either make me or break me. That I couldn't split myself in two. I'm not ready to make that choice yet. But you can't make me split myself in two either." I stared at the ground. "It hurts too much."

Both of them were still and silent and staring straight at me. I think they knew what I was going to say, but were waiting for me to speak the words. I took a breath. "I need some time to think. I…" I stared at the ground, and whispered, "I need some time alone."

The silence that greeted my words was absolutely deafening. Neither of them said anything. There were no words, no sounds, nothing but the wind blowing through the little clearing.

Jacob was the first to speak. "If that's what you want, Bella, then… then I'll respect your wishes." He couldn't look at me while he spoke, and the look in his eyes spoke volumes. My heart ached.

"I'll always be here, Bella," Edward glanced at Jacob, and my heartbeat jumped. "No matter whom you choose, in the end." His voice was quiet, his emotions restrained behind a tense jaw and the little lines of strain around his eyes. I knew what he was thinking – we'd only just reunited, and now I was willing to separate again, possibly forever. He was terrified that I wasn't going to choose him, but he would accept my choice, no matter how much I hurt him. The look in his eyes broke my heart.

I choked back the sob that was creeping up my throat and nodded. "Thank you," I whispered. Then, before either of them could see the tears that were quickly welling up in my eyes, I turned around, ran back to my truck, and stepped on the gas, speeding off for home as fast as I could without getting into an accident or pushing my truck's limits too far.

I fought valiantly to hold back the sobs as I drove. I knew that as soon as I let myself go, driving would become impossible. _Just a little farther, _I told myself as the traitor tears began to escape. I hastily brushed them away.

As soon as I reached home, I ran up the front steps, my hand shaking as I turned the key in the lock. I closed the door as quietly as I could behind me, hoping I wouldn't run into Charlie.

No dice. My luck had officially run out. "Hi, Bella, everything go-" His smile fell when he caught the look on my face. "Bella, what happened? Did something happen with Jake?" He asked, stepping forward to awkwardly wrap his arms around my shoulders.

I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about it," I said, my voice muffled by his shirt. I'm sure he could still tell I was holding back tears. "I just want to go to bed."

Charlie pushed me backwards, glancing down at me furtively. In a rare gesture of affection, he kissed the top of my head. I almost broke down right there and then. "Go to sleep, honey. Whatever it is, I'm sure it won't seem as bad in the morning."

_No, _I thought_, I will seem worse. So much worse. _I nodded anyway and turned, heading for the stairs. I fumbled up as fast as I could, then flung my bedroom door open.

My heart stopped at the sight standing in front of the window.

"Bella!" Alice said, and her voice was so soft, so concerned, that I couldn't help it – all of my weight went out from under me, and I collapsed, but she was there before my knees hit the floor, easily shifting me to the bed. She wrapped her arms around me and I cried on her shoulder until all of my tears ran dry and I could breathe again.

"I'm guessing you saw," I said, my voice hoarse. I sniffled, rubbing a hand over my eyes. "We were wrong – I didn't make a choice."

"Oh, Bella," Alice said, and she shook her head. She brushed a piece of hair out of my face and the gesture was so tender, so reminiscent of Edward that I almost burst into tears again. She sighed. "Remember what you asked me on the phone? About me leaving because I saw you with Jacob?"

I nodded. Of course I did. I remembered that conversation with a clarity that was probably abnormal for a human.

She took a breath that I knew she didn't need. "When I beat around the answer, I knew you took it as a confirmation, but… I just didn't want to tell you the truth because I didn't fully understand what I saw. Until tonight when Edward came home and told me what happened in the clearing between you, Jacob, and him."

I froze, my entire body going numb. _No. _She couldn't be saying what I thought she was saying. _Please, please don't let her be saying what I think she's saying._ I couldn't take much more of this. My heart couldn't take much more, either.

"Bella…" Her voice was hesitant, but apparently she decided this was something that I needed to know, because she finished her sentence. "I didn't leave because I saw you with Jacob. I left because I saw you alone. And it seemed like something you needed."

As Alice's words came rushing back to me, I realized just how wrong I'd been.

_I – I have to leave. I can't tell you why. I can't even tell you what I've seen, because even I'm not completely sure. _

God, had I been wrong.

"You saw me… choose being alone," I said slowly, barely processing the words as they left my mouth. "You weren't sure what it meant, only… that I was alone, and that it seemed like I'd made the decision to be."

Alice nodded. "I saw flashes of Edward – him coming home, the two of you at our house – and you seemed like you were…" She hesitated.

I finished for her. "Like I was split in two?"

Alice examined my face. When she was sure her answer wouldn't send me back into hysterics, she answered, "Yes. I can't see werewolves in my visions, but after seeing you with Jacob, then finding out that you kissed him that day that I called you," she shrugged. "I was able to come to the right conclusions."

The memories of her words kept coming, their true meanings flowing just as steadily.

_Don't make any promises that you aren't sure you can keep._

"You warned me not to make any decisions one way or the other before I was ready."

"Of course," Alice said, as if this were obvious. "Things still weren't clear to me, but I _did_ know that if you jumped to a decision, you would have regretted it – you _will _regret it," she amended. "You have to be alone, Bella. Because in the end-"

"'The decision could make me or break me', I know," I said, getting annoyed now. How many times was she going to tell me the same thing? At least annoyed was better than hysterical.

Alice smirked, then she was serious again. "Bella, there's something else you need to know."

"Oh, God," I moaned, burying my head back in her shoulder. "What else could there be?"

"Ummm," Alice laughed a bit unsteadily. "Edward and I are coming back to school tomorrow?"

I could feel my face go white and my eyes widen as I lifted my head. Not only would this be disastrous, but this would be embarrassing. I could only imagine what my classmates would be thinking about when they saw Edward walking through the halls. I'm sure they'd think of me, the way I'd acted when he and the rest of the Cullens had disappeared. What would they say if they didn't see us together? What would they say if they _did? _

This was _just too much_. I dropped my head back down.

"Can you at least give me a hint," I said, my voice stifled against her shoulder, "As to how badly this is going to go?"

Alice patted my back. "It won't be nearly as bad as you're thinking."

I lifted my head again, arching my eyebrow, clearly showing that I didn't believe her. Her definition of bad and my definition of bad were two entirely different things.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella, it's just high school, and you know how childish your peers can be." She stroked a hand through my hair. "Whatever you decide is fine with me."

"What do you mean whatever I decide?" I asked suspiciously.

Instead of answering, she kissed me on the cheek and flounced towards the window.

"Don't worry, Bella. Everything will turn out fine. I _promise_." Then, with a smile and a wave, she was gone.

I sat there for a few seconds in shock before I threw myself back on my bed. I grabbed a pillow, pressed it over my face, and screamed as loud as I could. Screaming was better than crying, I decided. Screaming I could handle.

All of this, however… I had no idea how I was supposed to go about dealing with all of _this. _

First, I had to deal with school tomorrow. Alice was right. Most of my classmates were a bunch of childish adolescents who liked to gossip, and Edward and I had given them plenty of gossip fodder over the past year. I could ignore them if I really wanted to. I could… even if the thought of being the center of attention made my stomach churn with dread. Together or separate, it didn't matter – they _would_ be talking about us. We were _all_ they would be talking about.

My heart pounded, and I shook my head. Next, I had to deal with this startling new development concerning Alice's vision. Knowing that Alice had seen me alone, that she had known this was coming since she'd stood in my kitchen just a few weeks ago, did not make me feel any better about the matter. Because I was still alone, and I'd still hurt the two people who I cared about most in the entire world.

And I still had a choice to make.

I pushed the pillow from my face and stood up, tiptoeing down the stairs to the kitchen. I dialed and waited for the person on the other line to pick up.

"Bella?"

"So, tell me something," I whispered, not wanting to wake Charlie. "You say I can't split myself in two. You say that deep down, I already know who I want. You say I have to make a choice.

"But Alice…" I clenched the phone in my hand as tight as I could, and swallowed hard. "How do you choose between the person who was there to catch you when you fell… and the person who was there to make the jump with you in the first place?"

The phone was silent on the other end. It was the answer that I'd been expecting, but it was also the answer that scared me the most.


	11. Chapter 10 Complications

Chapter 10 - Complications

I was right. Things _did_ look worse in the morning. They felt worse, too.

I tried to get to school early and avoid the morning rush – and, if I was honest with myself, also to avoid Edward. However, I'd been unsuccessful. As I pulled into the parking lot, my stomach churned. There, sitting at the far end, was the silver Volvo that I knew so well. My hands shook as I turned the key in the ignition. Knowing that Edward was already here somewhere when I'd told him the previous night that I needed some time alone made me feel sick. The fact that I could already see several faces staring at me through the windshield did not help matters any.

_Sitting here won't do you any good, Bella. _Swallowing past my nerves, I gathered my courage and stepped out of the cab, slamming the door.

All eyes swiveled in my direction. I could hear a few people whispering while I walked past, eyes fixed straight ahead, and while I couldn't make out what they were saying, I could only imagine. I swallowed.

"Bella!"

I turned, heart skipping a beat, and breathed a sigh of relief. Angela – of all the people who could have tried to catch my attention at the moment, I was glad that person was her. She waved behind her and I noticed that Ben was walking off towards Mike, who was staring at me curiously. I sighed. This was going to be a _long_ day.

"Hi, Angela," I said wearily.

"How are you doing?" She asked, and I could tell that she meant how was I dealing with all of _this._ Then, she hesitated. I could tell there was something else that she wanted to ask me, but Angela was never one to pry into people's personal lives if they didn't offer the information first. It was one of the many things I liked about her.

She glanced behind me and I couldn't help but turn my head to follow her gaze. There, walking out of the main office, were Alice and Edward. I immediately cut my eyes away.

"Did you know, Bella?" Angela asked quietly, concerned, her eyes slowly moving back to my face.

I nodded. "I knew." Oh, did I know.

She exhaled, obviously relieved. "Oh, good. Because," she hesitated again, but then shook her head. "I was worried about you. When I saw them this morning, I wasn't sure how you would react… if this was a surprise to you, too."

After practically ignoring any of her outright attempts to talk to me, to help me these past few months, she was still worried about me. I wanted to cry. Instead, I shocked Angela by reaching forward and hugging her. She was startled but she eventually hugged me back.

"Well, that was unexpected," she said laughing.

I had a thought, then. A dangerous thought. Dangerous because I would have to be careful about what I would say, and it was a well known fact that I was a horrible liar. And yet, the thought of talking to someone about my problems who wasn't a vampire or a werewolf, who was simply _normal… _that temptation was too great to resist.

"Angela," I asked slowly, "Are you doing anything tomorrow night?"

"Homework," she said grinning. "Why?"

"Because I could really use someone to talk to. Someone who's not… involved." I blushed as her brow furrowed. I was obviously confusing her and yet, in typical Angela fashion, she did not ask a single question.

"It's complicated," I stated, and when Angela nodded, I hastily added, "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Bella, of course. I don't mind. Tomorrow is fine. My house or-"

"Yours," I answered swiftly. My house could be crawling with all sorts of mystical creatures at any given time, whether or not they said they would respect my wishes. Who knew what was going on while I slept? Certainly not me. "Definitely yours."

Angela smiled, "Great," then the smile abruptly turned into a frown. "Shoot, I'm going to be late. I'll see you later?"

"Sure." I would willingly be late. I had English first period. With Edward. Sitting next to me. As he would be in every single one of my classes but Calculus and Gym, since we'd purposely planned things that way at the beginning of September and no one had wanted to take his spot next to crazy Bella Swan once he left.

I had to run to make it to class on time. I tripped on my way through the door, thus announcing my presence to all. Perfect.

"Ah, Miss Swan, so good of you to join us," Mr. Banner said blithely. He flicked his hand disinterestedly towards the back of the room. "Do take your seat. We don't have all day."

I flushed crimson, and, heart pounding, quickly made my way to my desk, ignoring the way every single head turned to look at me.

Every head except Edward's. I'm sure they all took note of _that_ little detail. Especially since I didn't glance at him. Not even once.

I pulled out my notebook as Mr. Banner droned on in the background, then let out a low moan and let my head drop to my folded arms. This was worse than my first day, worse even than when everyone had first seen Edward and me together. I didn't know how I was going to get through the day without screaming. Maybe I should have left my pillow in the car. I smiled wryly in spite of myself.

A cold hand on my arm startled me from my musings and I automatically turned to Edward. He was facing the front of the room, but he inclined his head in the general direction of my desk. I looked down. There, under my arm, was a small, folded slip of notebook paper. I opened it slowly.

_Are you all right?_

The note read in Edward's perfect handwriting. I almost laughed. Instead, I sighed and picked up my pen.

_No, I'm not. This is worse than the first day of school. "Not that bad." I'm going to __kill__ Alice. _

I slipped the piece of paper back to Edward without folding it. He read quickly and his lips quirked into a smile. He wrote, and then the note was on my desk again.

_At least you don't have to hear their thoughts. Vapid and conceited, the lot of them._

I felt like I had to defend Angela. He'd been close enough to hear her thoughts this morning. He had to know that she was sincere, even if no one else was.

_Everyone else, maybe, but not Angela. She's the only one who… who asked me how I was and who was actually genuinely concerned about me. Please don't tell me even her thoughts were "vapid and conceited," I might die of the shock._

I tossed the folded note back to Edward without thinking and although he caught it without looking, Lauren happened to catch our exchange from two rows ahead of us. She actually did a double take. I sighed. Well, that was fantastic. In ten minutes, the entire school would think Edward and I were passing secret love notes in English class.

_No, Angela is the one exception to the rule, and for that, I am exceptionally grateful._

I was shocked to see that he'd hesitated while he'd written. When I read his words, I understood why.

_I'm… I'm glad that you're speaking with Angela about all of this and not Alice. She has her own agenda, as you can imagine._

_Yes, _I thought, _that agenda involves me choosing you. _

_By the way, Lauren thinks we're exchanging love notes. Should we help her perpetuate that rumor?_

I groaned just as the bell rang and Edward laughed.

"'S not funny," I said, my face pillowed against my arms.

"Actually, I find it quite hilarious." I glanced up and his eyes sparkled mischievously.

"You would," I grumbled, standing up and heading for the door. Edward followed, which made sense – we _did_ have almost every class together, but I knew that everyone else would see things differently.

The rest of the morning passed by much like English had. Edward and I walked from class to class together, to the stares and whispers of our classmates. Edward was better at ignoring them than I was. Then again, Edward was better at _everything _than I was - why should this be any different?

Fifth hour heralded lunch, but my stomach was much too queasy to hold anything down - that and the sight of all of my peers in one tiny space made me even more tense. I didn't want to talk to Alice and endure her cryptic remarks about anything she might have seen, but I didn't want to sit with anyone else either and endure the hurt look that would come into Edward's eyes.

When I turned around and headed in the direction _away _from the lunchroom, Edward paused with his hands on the doors as his eyebrows rose to his hairline.

"I need some fresh air," I mumbled. "You go sit with Alice."

Edward didn't question me. He simply nodded, pushing his way through the doors. I was grateful, as I headed outside, that he seemed to understand.

The cool air felt wonderful against my face, and I sighed with relief at the silence that surrounded me. There was no sound, nothing but the wind in my hair, and I laid down on one of the benches near the parking lot using my backpack as a pillow, and closed my eyes.

I fell asleep for a while when the sound of quiet chuckling startled me awake.

"Is she awake yet?"

"Does she look awake, Emmett?"

"No, but - ah, there she is!" My eyes snapped open at the sound of voices near my head to reveal two familiar faces staring down at me.

Emmett grinned. "Hiya, Bella."

I couldn't help it - after everything that had happened, I jumped up and launched myself at him, and they both laughed at my enthusiasm, Jasper more than Emmett, I'm sure, because he could feel it, too. Emmett hugged me so hard, my feet were lifted off of the ground, before he set me down again.

"What are you doing here? When did you get back? Wait - are you supposed to be here?"

"Calm down, Bella," Jasper said, chuckling softly, and immediately, I felt myself settle enough to stop bouncing on my heels. "We just got back this morning and technically, we're not supposed to be here-"

"But we were going to play a trick on Edward and steal his car," Emmett burst in with.

I raised my eyebrow. "You do realize he would have killed you when he found out. That and Alice has probably already seen what you were planning."

"Aw, she wouldn't tell him," Emmett argued. "She'd play along! But now you know, and all is ruined," he sighed dramatically. Then, he grinned. "Unless you want to help. Come on, Bella. Do ya, do ya?" He elbowed me playfully, and I had to take a step back to steady myself. Jasper laughed.

My stomach did a nervous flip and I crossed my arms. "I'm... not so sure that would be a good idea." Emmett's face fell. I tried to come up with a good enough explanation that wouldn't involve me explaining everything that had happened in the past few days. "You know how terrible of a liar I am."

I had never been as happy to hear the bell ring as I was at that moment. I breathed a sigh of relief. "That and I have to get to class."

"Fine. Rain on my parade, then," Emmett said, but he was grinning. "We missed you, Bella."

Looking at the two of them, I couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes. I don't think Jasper understood the emotions that I was probably emitting that moment - a jumbled mix of happiness and sadness. "I missed you too," I whispered. Then, I shook my head and grabbed my bag from the bench. "I have to get to class. I'll...see you."

I could feel their confused eyes on me as I walked to class as quickly as possible without stumbling. I was glad I didn't share sixth hour Calculus with Edward - I don't think I could have kept my thoughts from wandering even if I'd tried.

I tried to keep myself composed for my last two classes of the day, but if the look on Edward's face was any indication, I didn't succeed. I could tell he was fighting from asking me any questions. I was fighting from throwing myself in his arms right there and begging his forgiveness.

_But I'm not doing anything wrong, _I kept telling myself again and again.

I wondered, as I walked off to my car with a smile and a quiet "Goodbye," to Edward, how long it would take me to have myself convinced.

I was hoping to go home and relax, but Charlie seemed to have other ideas. I walked in the front door and froze. There, sitting at my kitchen table, were Billy and Jacob.

"Bella!" Charlie said with a smile, his eyes instantly moving to Jacob and then back to me.

"Charlie," I said warily. "You're home early."

"Well, there wasn't anything going on down at the station, and Billy here wanted to come by and watch the game tonight, so I invited him and Jake over for dinner. You want to order in or you mind cooking for two more?"

"No, I'll cook," I said quickly. It would keep my hands busy, and keep my mind out of trouble.

Dinner was a surprisingly uneventful affair. Jacob kept to himself, participating in Billy and Charlie's conversation where he could, and keeping mostly quiet otherwise. The two of us talked a little, or what was little for us. If our fathers noticed anything strange was going on, they did not mention it. However, I did see them exchange more than a few not-so-subtle glances.

Charlie and Billy went into the living room to watch the game, while Jacob stayed in the kitchen to help me clean up.

"Bells, you okay? You seem... tired."

"I'm fine," I said, scrubbing furiously at the casserole dish. I probably didn't need to scrub that hard.

"Need help?" I almost dropped the dish - Jacob was directly behind me, his breath warm in my ear.

I hoped he didn't hear the stutter in my voice as I answered. "N-no. I got it."

"Well, at least let me dry, then." He reached around me, hand brushing against my side as he grabbed the towel off of the counter. I kept scrubbing, pretending nothing was wrong.

"Are you sure you're-"

"Yes. Fine," I said tersely.

Suddenly, he was behind me, his arms were around me, and I wasn't sure how I should react. He was so _warm_, and so comforting, and I leaned into him for a moment, before I dropped the knife I was holding, and pushed back against him.

"Jacob Black," I hissed, pulling out of his arms completely. "You're _cheating._"

"I don't know what you're talking about." The smirk on his face told me otherwise.

"I don't _believe_ you! You tell me you'll respect my wishes, and instead, you try to sway my opinion by- by-"

"He'll do the same thing, you know," Jacob said darkly.

"Oh, and how do you know?"

"Because he loves you as much as I do." My heart stopped at his words. "And he wants to show you that he's better for you than I am. I've tried that, Bella, and now, I'm all out of ideas. It's all on you."

Jacob shoved his hands into his pockets and walked into the living room, and I turned around to finish the dishes. This was getting so much more complicated than I ever imagined.

_I hope Angela likes stories_, I thought to myself bitterly, _because this one keeps getting better and better._

***

The next day passed by so slowly, I was convinced someone had slowed down time just to torture me. A sunny morning gave way to a cloudy afternoon, and Edward and Alice showed up just before lunch with a note from Carlisle with an excuse about a "family emergency." I had to cover my face with a book to stifle my grin.

I spent my lunch hour outside again, but this time, there were no surprise vampire visits. I wondered if Edward knew about Emmett's foiled plan to steal his car. I smiled.

As I gathered my things at the end of our last class of the day, Edward hovered next to my desk. He seemed hesitant to say something. I didn't realize how close he was and bumped into him as I stood up. His hands reached out to my arms to steady me. I blushed at the familiar rush of electricity that went through me at his touch. His eyes were a deep gold, and I found myself lost in his gaze.

"Are you still talking with Angela today?" I heard his voice, but swear that his words weren't making any sense.

With great difficulty, I shook myself out of my stupor. "What?"

Edward chuckled. "Are you still talking with Angela today?" His fingers were running up and down my arms now. I could still barely hear his words.

"Yes." My eyes narrowed and I stepped backwards. "And you're cheating," I said with a sense of déjà vu.

"I'm not cheating," Edward said lightly. "I don't have to cheat. I know the effect I have on you, Bella - it's the same effect that you have on me."

"Edward, please," I said stepping out of his embrace entirely and walking towards the door.

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Did you push Jacob away so hastily last night?"

I spun around, heart racing. "How did you know that Jake was at my house last night?"

"I was worried about you - yesterday, after lunch, you looked so exhausted. I wanted to respect your wishes, so I sent Alice to check up on you." His voice turned sarcastic, "But she saw Jacob's car in the driveway and decided against knocking."

"My _father_ invited him and Billy over for dinner," I said through gritted teeth. "And if Alice or you had bothered to ask me, you would know that."

Edward blinked at me for a moment before he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Bella... I'm sorry."

I was angry with Edward and upset with Jacob, and I just couldn't say another word. I picked up my books with a muttered, "I have to get to Angela's," and walked out the door.

Alice was standing by the Volvo waiting for Edward, but I didn't even say hello. I jumped in my car and headed straight to Angela's house.

A little boy about eleven years old answered the door and grinned up at me. "Who are you?"

I couldn't help but smile at him. "I'm Bella Swan. I'm a friend of Angela's. Is she here?"

"Yeah, she's upstairs! Angie! Bella's here!" He screamed at the top of his lungs and I winced as he ran off.

"Isaac, don't run in the house! If you break another vase, Mom will kill you!" Angela called after him and her brother immediately skidded to a stop before running up the stairs. Angela rolled her eyes. "Hi," she said, ushering me in and closing the door behind me. "Come on in, and try to ignore the racket. The twins are home, and they're a lot like two tiny bombs."

I laughed. "No problem."

I followed her up the stairs and into her room, where she immediately closed the door to shut out the sound of video games emanating from her brothers' room. I plopped down on her floor and shrugged out of my jacket.

"I was just finishing up some History," Angela said, pulling her textbook onto her lap.

I winced as I pulled a book out of my own bag - History was my last class of the day. The class after which Edward and I had argued...

"Bella... are you okay?"

I was so tired of that question. I sighed. "Yes, Angela," I answered automatically. "I'm fine."

Angela looked like she obviously didn't believe me, but went back to reading her textbook. I couldn't take even a second of the silence.

"I'm lying," I blurted out and Angela laughed.

"I figured," she said, amusement obvious in her voice. "You did ask me if you could come over so we could _talk,_ after all."

"And we're not doing much talking, I know," I said, sighing. I shook my head. "I'm just... not so good at the whole talking about my feelings thing." Or the lying about vampires and werewolves thing, although I would think I would be a master at that by now.

Angela pushed her books to the side and dutifully sat up straighter against the side of her bed. "Well, take your time. Just... tell me any way you can."

I think she sensed that there was something that I couldn't tell her, something that I had to leave out, and the fact that she was accepting this, without begging or pleading for all of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, made me want to hug her, at the very least.

As it was, I simply sighed with relief. "Thanks, Ang." Angela nodded.

I took a breath, trying to figure out how I could explain this without giving too much away. "When Edward... left... I started hanging out more with my friend, Jacob." I inwardly cringed at the word - "friend" seemed too simple for what we were.

Angela nodded at me to go on, and I found the words coming a bit easier, like I really was just another teenage girl with the boy problems of any other teenage girl. I just had to pretend that said boys weren't mythological creatures. "Well... a few days before Edward came home..." I hesitated, then mumbled, "I kissed him."

"You what?" Even the unquestioning Angela had her limits, and I'd just jumped about a mile over them.

I let out a breath and said, more audibly this time, "I kissed him."

Angela blinked at me, eyes wide. I don't think she'd been expecting that.

For some reason, I felt like I had to explain myself. "Well, a few days before that, he'd almost kissed me in my kitchen." I left out the part about Alice paying an impromptu visit - I would have to explain _why_, and I didn't have a good enough lie prepared. "I mean, I knew that he had feelings for me, and in that moment, it just seemed..." I sighed, frustrated. "I don't know, Angela. I freaked out that night. I broke down in my room." I stared down at my hands. "I felt like... like I'd done something horribly wrong. Not because I kissed him, but because... I kissed him." I looked up, my brow furrowing. "That doesn't make any sense."

Angela laughed. "It makes perfect sense, Bella. You weren't upset that you'd kissed Jacob - not really. You were more worried that you'd betrayed Edward."

I blinked at her in shock - because that was right. That was _exactly_ right. "Well," I said breathlessly, still stunned by her short but completely correct assessment of my situation. "That would explain why after I told him the same thing - well, almost the same thing - and he still tried to kiss me again, I let him. But then Angela - Angela, the _worst_ thing happened." Angela simply stared back at me silently, waiting for me to continue.

"Edward caught us." She sucked in a loud breath. "Yeah. Jacob... didn't know he was there, and I barely caught a glimpse of him at the window, but he saw enough."

"Oh, Bella," Angela whispered, putting her hand on my arm. I think she finally understood why I'd been such a wreck these past few weeks.

"I snuck out of the house to go see him that night. He was... well. Angry. At least a little. I was angry at him, too, but we talked, and then... he kissed me. And he told me that I'd already started to give my heart away to someone else and that... that he wasn't going to let me go without a fight. Then, Jacob told me the same thing, and Edward and I started getting closer again, and at the same time, I realized I was in love with Jacob, and Angela, I just..." I knew I was rambling, but Angela hadn't stopped me, so I assumed that she could still follow. I squeezed my eyes shut. "I'm just so confused. Edward and Jacob got into an argument the night before Edward came back to school, and I told them both that I needed some time alone. To think. So I could-" I stopped abruptly.

"So you could choose," Angela said softly, and I nodded miserably. I didn't tell her about my argument with Edward, or about what had happened with Jacob the night before - I'd burdened her enough with my problems already, and I felt horrible.

Both of us were silent for a few moments. I spent the time wallowing. Angela seemed to be thinking.

Suddenly, she scooted closer to me and put her hand on my knee. I looked up at her. "You love Jacob," she stated, and her words had a sense of finality to them. I could only nod. "You love Edward - and it's plain to anyone with a pair of eyes that he loves you back." I blushed furiously.

"So now," she said, ignoring my obvious embarrassment. "The question is - who do you love _more?_"

"But, how do you answer a question like that, Angela?" I asked, tears burning at the back of my eyes. I was suddenly regretting bringing this up to Angela at all - it wasn't helping, and now, she was only more worried about me than she had been before. "How do I choose between the person who was there for me when Edward left, the one person who understood me better than anyone else, who knew that I was still in love with Edward, and still loved me in spite of that fact... and the person who's loved me from the start, who, despite what I may have thought all of those months he was gone, has always loved me and will still love me, no matter what, or who, I choose?"

"I don't know, Bella," Angela said with a shrug. "I wish I had an answer for you. But I just don't know."

"Yeah," I said quietly. "Me neither."

"Angela!" Mrs. Weber's voice called from down the stairs. "Dinner!"

"I'll be right down, Mom!" she yelled, then turned to me sheepishly. "Sorry, I didn't realize it was so late, or else I would have invited you to stay."

"It's okay," I said, gathering my books together, and I wasn't lying. "I have to go home and make dinner for Charlie anyway."

She walked me to the door in silence, but just as I stepped onto her porch, she hesitantly called, "Bella?"

I turned.

She smiled gently, but still somehow nervous. "You know you can call me any time if you need me, right?"

I smiled, the first genuine smile I'd shown her all afternoon. "Thanks."

As I turned and headed to my truck, I looked up at the sky. The clouds were a dark grey, the air thick and pressing down on me like a weight.

A storm was coming.


	12. Chapter 11 Choice

Chapter 11 - Choice

_The problem with chasing the storm is that it wears you down, breaks your spirit. Even the experts agree - a girl needs closure._

After dinner, I told Charlie I was tired so I could lie on my bed alone and think without any interruptions. I wasn't lying - I felt the exhaustion down to my core, in my very bones, but there was no way I was falling asleep. My mind was on overdrive after my conversation with Angela. Even Charlie could see that I was distracted. I think he assumed it had something to do with Edward and his family being back in Forks, and was afraid to ask me what was wrong. He was only half right.

I stared up at the ceiling, letting the sound of the rain lull me into a sense of calm. My thoughts wandered.

I loved Jacob. I loved Edward. Choosing one would mean cutting the other out of my life whether I wanted to or not. Jacob and I could never go back to being just friends - that time was long gone, and I knew that. He would never accept me being with Edward, and he would _never_ accept me becoming a vampire. Just the thought of it would make his blood boil. He was a werewolf, and vampires were their sworn enemies. I understood this.

But Jacob had become such a constant in my life that I couldn't imagine living without him. There was no question that he loved me, and we didn't have problems like eternity and the smell of my blood constantly looming over our heads.

Edward and I had never been just friends, and never could be just friends. Being with Jacob would mean that Edward would willingly walk out of my life for a second and final time. And living without Edward... I had to bite back a gasp at the throbbing pain that ripped through my chest at the thought. I'd lived without him once, and I'd been broken, thoroughly and completely and almost beyond repair. Living without him again would be torture, regardless of the fact that I was still human and he was still a vampire. We'd overcome that obstacle before - we could do so again, even if it was only temporary.

_Who do you love __**more?**_

And therein laid my answer. I could live without Jacob, although my heart would constantly hurt and ache for him. But I couldn't live without Edward. _Jacob deserved more than the piece of my heart he would be getting..._ because the rest of my heart would always be Edward's to keep.

The epiphany that struck me at that moment had me jumping out of bed and staring at the clock. 12:30 - I'd have to sneak out again, but I'd been able to do so once. I could do it again.

I slipped down the stairs as quickly as possible without letting the stairs or the floorboards creak under my feet. I grabbed my raincoat from the hook by the door and splashed through the rain to my car. I hoped the weather wasn't going to get any worse - this would slow me down enough as it was. Praying once again that my monster of a truck wouldn't wake the dead, much less Charlie, I stuck the key in the ignition and made my way to the highway. I drove down the winding roads as quickly as I dared in this weather, reminding myself multiple times that it was dark and the roads were slippery and that I wasn't a vampire - if I got into an accident, I would not be able to just get up and walk away.

And I was on a mission - there could be no accidents tonight.

I let out a loud breath when the Cullens' house finally came into view and let the car idle as I threw open the door and splashed up onto the porch. I didn't even have to knock - Emmett and Jasper were already outside, looking thoroughly confused.

"Bella, what are you-"

"Where's Edward?"

The two of them glanced at each other. I could see the unspoken conversation occurring between them. If I didn't know any better, I could swear they were reading each other's thoughts. But no, that was Edward, and he obviously wasn't here. So, where was he?

I narrowed my eyes. "Jasper, if you don't tell me, I'll just drive around town for hours in this storm."

"And she _will_ look for him," Alice added, walking out and towards us slowly with that grace she always seemed to possess. "Just tell her."

Emmett sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "He said he'd be at the meadow, but Bella-"

"Thanks," I said, instantly turning around now that I had the information I needed. I'd only gotten down a single step before a hand on my arm stopped me from going any further.

"Bella, what's going on?" Emmett asked, even though it was Jasper's hand on my arm. "I expected to come home to find the two of you back to being nauseatingly adorable in our living room, and instead, I find Edward moping, and you're nowhere in sight."

I sighed. I didn't want to discuss this right now. "Emmett, I will tell you everything later. I promise. But right now I have to find Edward." I eyed Alice carefully as I spoke my next words. "I have to tell him that I made a choice."

I could tell Alice was fighting a smile. The corner of her lips was twitching. "Well, what are you standing around here talking to us for?" she exclaimed, slapping Jasper's hand away from my arm, much to his surprise. "Go!"

I gave her a smile and sped off to my truck, almost slipping in the rain-soaked grass.

The ride to the meadow felt excruciatingly long even though I was pushing sixty - as fast as my truck could possibly go without the risk of breaking down. I fumbled around the glove compartment for a flashlight when I reached the end of the road, jumped from the cab, and practically ran towards the trees, taking care not to trip over any roots or fallen trees as I made my way through the woods. The fact that the flashlight actually worked was a miracle in and of itself. Somehow, I was sure I was going the right way. I just let my feet guide me. The canopy of the trees acted as a cover from the steadily falling rain, but by the time I reached the meadow, I was still drenched and shivering.

The sky was dark, thunderclouds looming overhead, but the dimming flashlight gave off just enough light to see, and my breath caught in my throat at the sight before me. There, standing under the shadows of the trees on the other side of the meadow, was Edward, perfect and beautiful as ever, even soaked with rain.

His eyes met mine and I made my way towards him. He slowly walked towards me, and we met at the center of the clearing. I turned off the flashlight and shoved it in my pocket.

"Bella," he said, voice soft and just a little surprised - I reveled in the fact that I was still able to shock him every once in a while. "Is everything all right?"

"Everything is fine."

Edward eyed me warily. "Then... what are you doing here."

I took a deep breath. It was now or never. "I made my choice, Edward." I could see him visibly still. I brushed my hand against his cheek. "I love you. I will _always_ love you. I think somewhere, deep down, my choice was already made for me. Because I can't live without you, Edward. I don't want to."

Edward took both of my hands in his. "Bella..." He hesitated. "Are you sure this is what you want? What you_ truly_ need?"

"Do you love me?"

The look on his face at my question defied words. His eyes went wide, incredulous, the will to question me seeming to leak out of him. His entire body went from rigid to slack in all of a few seconds. The rain was still falling in sheets around us, but of course, Edward was unaffected by the cold wind and the thunder and lightning crashing through the sky. I was freezing, fighting the shivers that threatened to overtake me – because he still hadn't answered my question, and, while he had told me time and time again over the past few days that he'd only left me for my own good, while I'd even told Angela otherwise, a part of me still did not believe him.

I took a deep breath, summoning my courage – so I could ask him again.

"_Do_ you _love_ me?"

This time, his amber eyes took on an emotion I'd never seen before and didn't understand. I stared into his painfully beautiful, perfectly angelic face, trying to make sense of the expression in his eyes, patiently waiting for his answer to come.

He took a deep breath, even though I knew he didn't need it. Then, he cupped my face in his hands. My heart fluttered in my chest.

"Isabella Marie Swan," he said, his voice soft and full of emotion, and my heart thrilled at the sound of my full name on his lips. "My entire life, my entire existence, I have never loved anything else as much as I love you. _You_ are my life, my world. I am _nothing_ without you."

I simply stared up at him, the rain still pouring down on us, shivering with cold, and the rational part of my brain told me that I should get back to the car before I caught pneumonia, or some other equally unpleasant sickness.

Then, I looked into his eyes again, and I ignored the rational part of my brain.

I threw myself into his arms with a gasp, knowing very well that doing so was probably stupid, but forgetting all of the reasons I should care as my lips met his.

His lips were cold and hard but yielding against mine, and he shocked me when he put his arms around me, pulling my entire body against him instead of pushing me away like I'd expected him to. I let one of my hands tangle in his hair and let the other rest on his shoulder. He pulled away from me for a moment, and I let out a little sound of protest, but then I felt his lips moving along my throat, and the protest died on my lips. I trembled as one of his hands moved slowly up and down my spine, the other running along my throat. His mouth moved to my jaw, then to the shell of my ear, and I fought back another gasp before pulling his mouth back to meet mine again.

I tried to think of another time when he'd kissed me like this so freely, and I came up blank. Any time we'd gotten this carried away, even that first real kiss after he returned in my bedroom, he'd slowly inched away from me, at least enough for me to know I'd gone too far.

Tonight, it seemed he had just as much control over himself as I did. He slid his hand from where it was resting at my throat to tangle in my hair at the base of my neck, and used his other hand on my lower back to pull me tighter still against him. I reached up and twined both of my arms around his neck, relishing in the feel of having him this close. I wanted him closer. I wanted _more. _I slid my tongue along his lower lip.

That seemed to be the breaking point for even _his _ironclad self-control. Ever-so-gently, Edward leaned away from me, just far enough to let me know that we had to stop.

I tried to control my breathing, not wanting to make things harder for him, but knew that it was a lost cause. My breaths came in shallow gasps, my heart beating furiously in my chest. He kissed the hollow of my throat, and my heartbeat continued to soar to unheard of heights.

"Wow," I was finally able to wheeze out.

He chuckled. "Yes. That seems to be appropriate." He brushed a strand of hair out of my face, not that it mattered – I was sure that my head resembled a rat's nest.

"Now, do you believe that what I feel for you is real? That it's just as intense, more so even, as what you feel for me," he murmured, laying a kiss on the tip of my nose.

I nodded. After all _that_, how could I not? But still, my eyes narrowed. "And do _you_ believe that this is what I want? What I_ truly_ need?"

Edward smiled, and it lit up his entire face. "How can I not when you look at me that way?"

My heart stuttered in my chest and I glared at him playfully. "Good."

He chuckled, slid his arm around my shoulder and started walking towards the edge of the woods. "Why don't we get you home and into some dry-"

He didn't finish his sentence. Instead, Edward went rigid beside me. I'd seen this sort of behavior before, and I knew what it meant, even before I saw the way his nose turned up as if he'd smelled something foul, or the way his eyes glared in the general direction of the trees.

I turned my gaze to follow Edward's, but I hadn't needed to. I knew what I would see without even having to look.

Jacob was standing on the edge of the meadow. From the absolutely broken and furious look on his face, I would guess that he had seen and heard everything that had gone on between Edward and me in the past few minutes.

In the moments it took me to process that Jacob was really standing there, that I should take a step forward and say something, anything, to ease the look of pain off of his face, there was a sound like thunder crashing through the clearing as Edward was suddenly ripped from beside me, and all hell broke loose.


End file.
